Click the bird to return to 2000 index
Love’s Supreme Desire Tabloid, Aug/Sept 2000
Love’s Supreme Desire Tabloid, in publication since 1995, is a free internet-based
monthly publication written by Blue Moor, AKA Bluebird/Blueberry. This publication
is enjoyable read by Agnes or Fred in Simpletext. Submissions are welcome.
Feel free to forward the tabloid to any interested parties. Contact me for
more information at bluemoor@earthlink.net.
http://profiles.yahoo.com/clearblueeasy
Aaack, our computer crashed a while back, some sort of virus or something,
and I had to fucking reconstruct my mailing list and all that. I was also
dealing with writer’s block, or burnout, or something. If this Tabloid gets
to you terribly late, you’ll know why.
9/23 2:33 am I just got home from hanging out with my friend Tree, the painter
and yogi. I love Tree. He is such a good artist and has so much integrity.
Plus he’s just plain fun to hang out with. We went to the Hole in the Wall
and had a few beers. I thought the place would be packed with leather types
because of Folsom Street Fair but it was mostly the usual broad mix. I talked
about my feelings of either being “right before a big change or just feeling
like I’m in a rut.” I hate to say it but the luster is already wearing off
working at the my new job---it always fucking does. But the rut that I’m
in: what is that about? What is it that is rut-tish about my life? I don’t
know, exactly, or maybe I know and I don’t want to talk about it. I mean,
some new things are happening in my life, I’m painting now. It’s been since
high school, but I’ve finished a new oil painting and it feels great. But
then it’s very much a rut of mine to say “I’m painting.” instead of just
painting. Here I am at a new job and already I’m thinking, “God I hope I’m
not going to be doing this forever.” I always tend to judge where I am and
what I’m doing instead of ACCEPTING these things. But then it’s normal and
good to feel like “can I be doing more? Something of more VALUE in the world?”
And even here with the Tabloid, it’s been so hard for me to squeeze this
one out, I’m not sure why. I guess I’ve just been going through a bit of
a depressed period lately, noting some of my shadows and repeat patterns,
just feeling somewhat lame and insecure at the moment. It’s not easy for
me to write it out like that, but it actually feels good, to say it and get
it out, that I’m just feeling lame and insecure right now, and that I hope
(I know) it will pass soon.
I find myself toying with the idea of not writing the
Tabloid for a while or discontinuing it altogether. I can’t explain exactly
why this idea popped into my head, but I’m kicking it around and I’ll know
more later. Maybe part of it is that I’m getting into painting, I like this
nonverbal form of communication, maybe I want to be more private about who
I am, or that I want to be more open, in person, face to face, as opposed
to cyberspace. I want to channel my energies towards acting, screen writing
and painting, and to not have my work be so heavily autobiographical. Maybe
it’s just that the things I really need to say I don’t feel comfortable sharing
in this forum, which negates its usefulness. Maybe I get tired of hearing
myself talk about myself. Maybe I just need to take some time off to do some
deconstructing. I do know that I’ve been depressed for the past several weeks,
and the depression is related to sexuality, intimacy and trust issues. Not
only that, it’s about mortality, basic questions about who I am and
what I’m doing with my life, issues of self-esteem and shyness and overindulgence.
It’s not so much depression as an acute awareness that some sort of shift
is happening inside me, I will have to assume for the better, since this
is the way of such internal shifts. But in the midst of a period of intense
introspection, I tend to forget that they come and go like changes in the
weather. I get stuck in one and I start to freak out instead of just letting
go and rolling with it. I feel it as “depression” when really it’s just introspection
and growth. Anyway, to make a long story short, I recognize that it’s better
to not make any decisions about the future of the Tabloid while I’m in this
state of mind. I don’t want to chicken out on my attempts to make the Tabloid
a place where I speak my truth, no matter how personally scary that may be.
But if there ever a time when I needed some feedback, some encouragement
from you readers, I guess that time would be right now, because I feel like
this thing is drifting and I’m not sure whether my services here are really
needed. Thank you for reading me all these years, in any case. I truly appreciate
it. Peace, Blue
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tennessee
Tennessee you sit out there and wait for me
don’t much care whether I come
or stay in some other place
but just as happy to see me arrive, that old city still hangin on
but droppin by the shiver of a moonlit night
droppin that ol madness by the riverside to flow on down through
red yellow hillside light wearin away like just another rock in the flow,
hilltop to rushing rock and snow melting and flowin some more to the spring,
by a poolside flowers growing soft and sweet, take me away to that place,
but would I be happy there hell yeah of course i would and what am I afraid
of
and yes I’m tripping now as I write this to you and so it won’t have all
gone to waste, to waste,
so much waste and stuff and yes that’s all good, it’s all good
but my spirit seeks a softer place,
a quiet place now
yes it’s good to be here now, with Godzilla 2000 and internet connection
and high-speed fusion reality but the reality is, what is San Francisco now,
used to be but yeah still is but used to be,
and could be, and should be, and meanwhile Tennessee sits waiting for me
to make up my mind,
don’t care much whether I come or go but just as happy to see me come,
with garbage under my feet from the city that was, and still is, and could
be,
kicked out maybe from that city, but hell no, having been there, for eight
years now and just looking for more, looking for more, looking for more LESS
and so I flee to Tennessee,
for a life that could be, sittin by the shady tree.
Say you heard there’s a brand new lake up top of the world, been frozen all
this time,
but hey now it’s melted and just what the fuck is that about and how much
longer do we have here anyway, and if i leave now maybe I won’t be famous
and rich and have lots of stuff to shove around and maybe I’ll hate it there
and look back and say what was i thinking?
But still i think, there lies Tennessee, doesn’t much care whether i come
or go,
but just as happy to see me come, and lay my cares down, if only for a little
while, a little while away from the cable TV which I love and the food and
the lights and this old city
don’t give a shit whether i come or go, not til I’m dead and gone
and they could name a---home for the damned? after me and still I’d be off
in Tennessee,
don’t give a shit much whether i come or go, but actually happy, yes happy
to hear of my arrival,
cuz it already knew, by and by, as life passed on by, I’d grow quieter, more
still,
like a frozen pond in Tennessee with snow on the branches and a moon overhead
and there i am,
all this city behind me, still within me, not containing me, not holding
me for the rest of my life,
life life the sun lites over mountaintop and hits the ice, and it melts,
and the waters flow and fall and tumble and so i tumble, and who knows where
i might find myself in this next adventure, this current adventure, the only
thing that really matters, really, is this flowing river that flows through
me, and maybe it flows through this old whore of a city, maybe it flows me
right off downstream to Tennessee.
---bluebird/blueberry 2000
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Noon... 8 September 2000
Millennium of Cat Mishka
---by Haia the Venusian
Remembering Quetzecoatl...
plumed serpent...
cavorting playfully
with the corn god
who is and does become man
as well as Eater of Universes
and master musician!!
Eye and my companion
“Comida de los dios”
food of the gods...
The ever artful mushroom magico...
who entered these continents
between Siberia and Terra del Fuego
In the sacred medicine pouches
of the Mazateca Currenderas...
the ancient trance-active
women wonder workers-
Oh so many times Mishka
my snow leopard familiar and eye
Have run between the stalks
of corn
A mad pleasure look
in our eyes.
The rocks in a circle...
Did we place there?
Mushrooms between our teeth
and worlds between our ears!
Pollen on our penis
we roll on the moss
and say the words that the elves
put in our mouths.
We are so mushroom
that we don’t recognize our mind in the jar on the shelf of the magik shop.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Upcoming events, internet links and contacts:
A Diminutive Survival Guide to Oil Painting, conjured up by Maria 'Jade'
William: http://elfwood.lysator.liu.se/farp/oil/oils.html
Hey, this comedy skit called “The Krapft Mystery Kids featuring Nugget, the
crime-solving cat with ESP,” which I cowrote with my friend lars Micha is
now playing at the link below. This sketch is part of the first episode of
SHOW SHOW. We are currently working on the second episode. Hope you like
it---if so, vote for us on the site!. http://www.villagetv.com/.
The link is currently at the top of their home page.
Read some about my friend Haia the Venusian at http://www.links.net/vita/sf/haia/
I just performed a bit part in a new feature length film called The Breathing
Show: http://www.thebreathingshow.com/
Check out SHOW SHOW, a comedy skit series written, directed by and starring
Jim Jeske, Lars Micha, and me, Blue Moor, produced by Mark Kliem of the fabulous
Lavender Lounge Studios: http://www.lavenderlounge.com/showshow.html (this
is a racy web site).
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A note from Pistol Pete and Popgun Paul, a fierce, funny and talented duo
of queer musicians:
“Hello from New Orleans! We had an inspiring and productive summer
out on the road doing shows. The tour went really well and people seem
to really be diggin‚ our new CD which is called SON OF A GUN. Of course
we‚ll have it with us at all of our shows or you can order one by snail-mail.
Check out our website to find out how. We really hope we see you somewhere
along the way. Stay in touch!
Much love, Pete & Paul”
PISTOL PETE & POPGUN PAUL - FALL TOUR 2000
(confirmed dates only ˆ for updates go to http://welcome.to/pete&paul
Sun. Oct. 1 ˆ SAN FRANCISCO - Main Stage, Castro Street Fair,12:45pm
for info call 415-584-9897
Mon. Oct. 2 ˆ SAN FRANCISCO - Piaf‚s (hosting „Comedy Night‰), 8pm
1686 Market St. (at Gough) for info call 415-252-9586
QUEER YOUTH BENEFIT IN SAN FRANCISCO
(Pete & Paul, Blackberri, Garrin Benfield, Jallen Rix)
THURSDAY, OCTOBER 5, 2000 AT 7PM (note new time)
HARVEY MILK CIVIL RIGHTS ACADEMY (note new venue)
FREE CONCERT!!!!!!!!!!! (note new price, but donations will be solicited)
4235 19th St., SF for info call 415-401-0179
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Garrin Benfield:
ROCKOUT SAN FRANCISCO
We are a grassroots coalition of local musicians and music lovers organized
to enlighten the people of San Francisco about the triumphs and concerns
of our local music community. Our event serves to promote local musicians
and raise awareness about the challenge we're currently facing.
Music has always been a vital force in San Francisco, from the rough-and-tumble
days of the Barbary Coast, to the jazz of the Beat movement and the psychedelic
rock of the sixties. Our city is home to world-class opera, break-through
turntablism, and every style in between. Music is a glittering diamond in
San Francisco's cultural crown.
Nonetheless, music (and all local art-making) is now threatened by unrestrained
development and the skyrocketing cost of living. In recent years, we have
endured the closures of clubs and rehearsal spaces, as well as the closures
of art galleries, studios, and performance spaces, none of which could keep
up in our run-away economy. The impending sale and closure of Downtown Rehearsal
Studios has been the breaking point for many musicians. Over one thousand
musicians will be displaced by the mass-eviction on September 25; all face
little or no chance of absorbing into the already over billed and often prohibitively
expensive few remaining rehearsal studios. It is a blow that many bands will
not survive. Musicians simply cannot function without a place to practice.
Finger pointing and blame are not solutions to this enormous threat; awareness
and action are our best recourse. By participating in Rock Out, musicians
and music enthusiasts show our solidarity with one another while sharing
our diverse talents with the community at large. We are taking to the streets
to demonstrate our incalculable cultural worth, and are in communication
with each other about preserving our ability to make music. Rock Out is both
an act of pride and of self-preservation.
Naturally, the action must not stop at this one event. We need to keep speaking
up, acting up, and rocking out about this weighty issue.
We can do it together!
Get involved with these groups to help save the San Francisco music and art
community!
Save Local Music - a movement of local musicians working to
secure future music rehearsal and performance spaces
www.SaveLocalMusic.org
Popular Noise Foundation - a non-profit to support local
musicians, and stop the disintegration of music in San
Francisco
www.NoisePop.com/foundabon
SFMusician.com - a directory of resources, postings and
community services for local musicians
www.SFMusician.com
Save San Francisco - information regarding proposition L.
www.SaveSanFrancisco.org
San Francisco Late Night Coalition - a non-profit to preserve
San Francisco night life
www.sflnc.org
CELL - a volunteer-run artists' co-op space in the Mission
www.CellSpace.org
Coalition for Jobs, Art and Housing - a group focused on the
"live/work" loft development issue
www.cjah.org
Dancers' Group - a dance organization whose recent eviction
and protests triggered nationwide headlines
www.DancersGroup.org
SomArts - an artists' center that has taken a lead in arts
displacement issues
www.SomaArts.org
Find out more about Garrin Benfield at his webpage: http://www.garrin.com/index.html.
Various Faerie contacts: http://www.rfdmag.org/finder.htm
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------