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Love’s Supreme Desire Tabloid, June/July 2001
Final Issue Written by Owen D. Edwards
Love’s Supreme Desire Tabloid, in publication since 1995, is a free internet-based
more-or-less-monthly publication written by Blue, aka Bluebird. This publication
is enjoyable read by Agnes or Fred in Simpletext. Submissions are welcome.
Feel free to forward the tabloid to any interested parties. For more info,
write bluemoor@earthlink.net or check out the eGroup at http://www.egroups.com/group/LovesSupremeDesireTabloid
Join the eGroup if you want more frequent email from me and others and a
more interactive, space age eGroup environment. All of the Tabloids starting
with January 2000 are now posted to the group, as well as other writings,
pictures, and there are currently 43 members. If you decide to join, I’d
suggest unsubscribing from this list to avoid duplicate mailings.
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07/06/01
The top part of this I’m sure you have all seen before, this is how Blue
always opened this e-mail. Shit, I don’t even know where to start.
Ok, so here goes, Blue passed over, crossed over, moved on, he’s dead. Ok,
I said it, it’s over, I can go on.
So how do I deal with the love that other people, many of whom I never even
knew, felt for Blue. If you have been reading the LSD for awhile, you
are aware that Blue was shall we say popular. He shared affections with many
people, both here in cyber space, and those in the greater Bay area.
I’ve personally never written anything to either the LSD list, or of course
to any of you directly-via e-mail. But I feel that I should write the final
issue, and leave it at that. I would like to hear what other folks feel about
the e-group, if we should keep that up and running for awhile or not. Please
let me know, as that I guess I’m going to be running these sorts of things
for a while.
It’s amazing how many people have called the apt. here since I’ve been hanging
out the last few days. I’ve gotten so many folks telling me if I need to
talk, or what not to call them. It’s wonderful to really know that Blue had
touched so many people on so many different levels. I’m honestly not sure
what I need to be doing right now, other than the practical stuff, bills,
etc. I’ll be working on this for a couple of days, so maybe another time
I’ll feel more like talking about things. Right now I don’t. Today is my
birthday, and I’m off to have dinner with a friend.
07/08/01
It’s about 3 am right now. I just got off the phone with Divita. One of the
Grand Duchess of the Royal Court here in the bay area. Blue and I used to
spend many a Saturday nights at Aunt Charles drag shows. That was something
I would like to remember about Blue, his enjoyment of life. He liked all
sorts of shows, entertainment that I well, may not have always thought of
as say good taste, but still fun. Our first date for example; Blue was still
living with an ex-long time readers may remember his mentions of “Elroy”.
Blue and I had attended a show called “Virgin Queen Contest” this was the
fourth annual showing I believe. Blue and I had a very good time hanging
out, regrettably Blue was living out in Glen Park at the time so we had to
leave early.
This reminds me of the first time I had a chance to hang out with Blue.
It was a Thursday Night Faerie Circle. Picture this, the Thursday before
pride, about 50 people packed into a small 3 room apt., doing the pot luck
thing. I was visiting at that time from Salt Lake City Utah, with the intention
of moving out here, but at that point still a tourist. I really didn’t know
anyone here, but I was going anyway. I walk into this space, find this cute
fuzzy guy hanging out on the bed (clue-it’s Blue) not wearing a shred of
clothes. Well one thing lead to another and that’s enough said.
Through out the last few days, I have to say I’ve been over come by the sense
of how many people loved Blue. Not just “tricks” but others. Blue had a very
ethereal sense of floating through circles of people and deeply affecting
them. I knew this, but you don’t really know anything until you hear it from
others. It’s meant a great deal to me to hear from people that I may
not know, but who knew Blue; how much he meant to them. While I was cleaning
a bit the other day (Let me just say, not that I’m perfect in this sense,
but Blue was a slob) a saying he had taped to our front door.
“Some people measure their lives in pulse rates and sit-ups.
Far better to measure yours in licks of ice cream, well-told
jokes, mad dashes to be the first in the water, belly laughs. And, when you
die, it won’t be an erratic shift in your heart rate, it will be an overdoes
of mirth, fun poisoning, death by laughter.”
This is something that I know Blue lived by. It was something that he read
to me a few times when I was caught up in work, or off track in some other
way. I’m going to miss that about him. The way he grounded me, the way he
reminded me to not just live, but LIVE, enjoy life, to find the joy
in even small things. Well, I should be trying to get some sleep. Karen,
one of Blues sisters should be arriving in the morning so I need to sleep.
I’ll write a few more things another time.
7/10/01
This afternoon I had lunch with Haia, Tree, and Blue’s sisters Mary and Karen.
It was of course a wonderful time eating, laughing and looking through old
photos of Blue. The hardest part for me was not breaking down at the table.
Let me tell you a small secret, I really don’t like being overly emotional
in front of others. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to be “Mr. Spoke”
or anything, I just don’t like to let others see me cry. During lunch Haia
gave me the following poem, and asked that I add it to this final issue.
A bluebird and mishka cat love supreme desire transmission
and greeting.
Noon 8 july 2001
At exactly mid-day, I looked at mishka and said “ I know your thinking of
Bluebird...dear! Please send him from all of us, loving, beautiful, bright
transitional energy! I sensed immediately,that out white furred friend had
at that moment seen through his ancestors and guides, who where also my ancestors
and guides a playful, laughing tumble by blue down a grassy slope into rainbow
hued water and all around him...
In the water splashingtogether...and in the trees and sky, were hundreds
of radical faeries elves, sprites, unicorns, pan himself and his family which
is all of us,and every resplendent bird and animal and beings of luminous
never ending light. And we were all, as we have ever been...singing and playing
flutes and drums and being silly.
And sensuous and creative, as you, dear comrade bluebird are., and will all-ways
continue to be!! Blessed Be
In Faery love and magic your fiend mishka cat and Haia the Venusioan.
After lunch, Mary and Karen took off for the hospital to get Blues things.
The hospital had at one point lost the items blue had with him when he was
checked in. it took them a few days to find said items. While they were off
doing that, I took care of the last bit of things of Blues on the I-Mac he
and I shared. It’s amazing what stuff that boy collected on that computer
over the last three years. It’s funny the things you find when you are looking
for stuff. Well, I’m right now sitting on BART heading over to Bezerkley
to meet with Wolfie. We are going over to Pacific Internment at 9:30 am to
dress Blue. I want to put on his all hallows eve mask from a few years ago
that he and I decorated together, a disco sequence shirt, and some daisy
duke type shorts. (Yes I know it’s a horrid fashion don’t type of combo,
but they were things that Blue liked to wear, and I don’t want to keep.)
So now it’s about 6:06 sitting here on the couch in Chaos with a kitten sleeping
on my leg just finishing typing in Haia’s poem. I guess at some point Wolfie
and I will be doing stuff, but right now I just want to go have a smoke.
In the morning Wolfie and I are going to “wake and bake” Blue, I’ll write
a bit about that after the fact. We are also having a service at the
King George for Blue, where ‘Elroy’ will be at, I’m not sure I want to talk
to him, but I guess I have to.
So, we did it. We dressed him. Onyx, Wolfie and I spent some time chanting,
and all that sort of thing. Of course the first thing we did was anoint
the body. I placed a drop of sacred oil on Blues chakra centers. We then
placed the clothing we had picked out for Blue on him. Tying his shirt in
a very high knot, showing that sexy tummy. We tucked some wool in under the
shirt. That was the only thing that I really did that annoyed Blue to no
end. Oh sure, I’m sure many things annoyed him in small ways, but when I
was processing a fleece, it took over the entire apt. And for gods sake,
I wouldn’t let him escape that even in death. So, we poured tons of glitter.
For you know the body is corporeal, but glitter lasts forever...we also tucked
some in his pocket, unused so he could glitter with--insert deities of chose--!
And as a final gift, we tucked a bud in his pocket, so he would have one
last toke for the road.
Later that night, we sat around the tea-room at the King George. We talked
about Blue,we drank, we cried (yeah, even I got misty.) It was good to talk
with Dan (aka Elroy). I know it meant allot to him to have a small vile of
Blue’s ash to keep. I again realized how Blue touched so many people in different
ways. I again knew that I was truly blessed to spend time with him. And I
know that I will always carry him in my heart. I’ll never look at glitter
quite the same again. Though if I see another snow globe again, I’ll scream.
7/13/2001
So i sit here on the floor of the 14th street house. The party is over, we
danced the last dance, (Oh god did I really just type that.) A good time
was had by all, and Blue would have been proud of us. Good food, good friends,
and all the extras. We said our good byes, we cried, we laughed, we loved.
I know Blue would have liked to think that we would all continue to be the
fabulous beings that we all are, to thin that he inspired many people to
laugh. It was simply amazing to see the folks that came out to celebrate
Blue. I know he touched many folks, some who were here, some who were other
places. I know he will not be forgotten in our hearts, to remember his smile,
the sparkle in his eye when he was up to no good, the feel of his warmth.
I know I will hold in my heart the many lessons Blue taught me, patience
was one of many of them, but the most important thing was to live. To live
life, the way we want to, to do what we want to do, and to do it with whom
we choose. To not limit the experience, to set no boundaries on reality.
To simply be.
I will always miss Blue, and I know many others agree with this. We shared
many things with the wonderful man, we loved him in many different ways.
I think I’m done with the hallmark card crap. I hate the fact that he’s not
here, I’m pissed that he was taken, I am not sure what I’m going to do now,
it’s not fair. I did not want to dress him. We placed him in his favorite
clothes, glittered the body with in an inch...we sent him away with sparkles.
I can’t consider what I’m going to do with out his passion for life.
Enough said...
Owen
I’m including a e-mail I got from Dan-aka Elroy. I think in many ways it
sums up how many people feel about Blue.
Hi Owen ...
I had a very warm and happy dream last night that I wanted to share with
you, and if you're still going to put it together, with the LSD Tabloid
list final edition.
In my dream, it was night time and I was outdoors, walking along a sidewalk
in a city somewhere. I was holding my big fat cat Davey in my left arm, and
my aging kitty Princess Lene in my right arm. They were both squirming, and
I remember feeling like I was about to drop them, have them run off, and
lose them. I don't know where I was walking, but it was a peaceful night
time walk, aside from the squirming kitties. I felt two arms envelop me
from behind in a warming hug. Instantly, the cats calmed in my arms and
began purring. I looked over my right shoulder, and there was Blue's
smiling face. He didn't say anything, just smiled. And I suddenly was
filled with a kind of glowing calm that I've not experienced before in a
dream. I became aware that I was dreaming, and awoke gently. I was all
wrapped up in the covers, and the kitties were huddled next to me. Davey
began purring when he noticed I was awake. I felt an extraordinary calm and
quiet in the room, and I had to roll over just to be sure Blue wasn't
really there, sleeping next to me. I drifted back to sleep with a
bittersweet mix of joy and melancholy.
I will always feel love for Blue and I miss him.
With love,
Dan