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Love’s Supreme Desire Tabloid, May/June 2000
Love’s Supreme Desire Tabloid, in publication since 1995, is a free internet-based
monthly publication written by Blue Moor, aka Bluebird/Clear Blue Easy. This
publication is enjoyable read by Agnes or Fred in Simpletext. Submissions
are welcome. Feel free to forward the tabloid to any interested parties.
Contact me for more information at bluemoor@earthlink.net.
7:45 PM February 2000, Millennium of Mishka the Cat who lives on Lyon Street
It is absolutely extraordinary! I feel suddenly that I am in another world...
a softer... brighter... more accepting world. My head seems to be encased
in a totally aware, beyond my body violet plasma... I look over at my little
people, they are glowing... touched by a light one degree removed from this
dimension... they smile! For a brief moment I, a humanoid, an eye locked
with them. Then, it is gone... my X to the 10th power link but, I suspect,
not for long
HAIA OF VENUS
IN FAERIE LOVE
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The sun is shining and I’m havin’ fun
So things are better than the last time I wrote. So much
has been going on that it’s been hard to sit down and write about it. I felt
guilty not getting the May issue out in time but then I remembered that a
while back I said I was going to do the Tabloid whenever it was ready, not
on a fixed schedule, so there :), but I do like to try to get it out monthly.
I’ve been working on booking the talent and doing stage management for Faerie
Freedom Village at Pride 2000 here in San Francisco, and I’m going to be
performing in the event as part of a new group called Yogasexual Evolutionary
Liberation Party. I don’t think I’ve mentioned my yoga practice here in the
Tabloid, but it’s become an increasingly important part of my life. I’m lucky
enough to have hooked up with the Monday night Ashtanga yoga class taught
by the sweet, serene and saucy sadhu Stuart Siegel at Marty’s place on 14th
street. Anyone who wants the particulars of the class can contact me directly.
Suffice it to say that Monday night has become my favorite night of the week
because everyone in the group is so much fun, we have a great time, get all
stretched out, have a potluck, chill out and giggle. Yogasexual Evolutionary
Liberation Party (or the Yogasexuals for short) combines modern dance and
moves from Ashtanga Yoga. We’re pulling the performance together in record
time, and it’s going to be something else. We plan to keep practicing and
playing together after the Faerie Village performance, in a more relaxed
frame of mind that is not directed necessarily towards putting on a show.
I had so much fun over Memorial Day weekend! My friend
Sister Zsa Zsa turned me on to a gathering happening at an idyllic bit of
property in Mendocino called Camp and Sons. There were about fifty people
at the gathering, all tight friends who get together and play, go to Burning
Man, lay about in the sunshine on the grass if you catch my meaning. I don’t
know how to describe it, but I just instantly connected with these people
like old friends. It was such a great mix of men and women, straight, gay,
and bi and all sorts of lines blurring in between including yours truly,
who found himself being a little bit bi and a little bit masochist. I got
my butt flogged by a woman beside the hot tub full of freaks, and I liked
it. I tried to be the flogging top as well, but I found (not such a surprise)
that I much more enjoyed being the bottom. Actually we both realized that
we were bottoms. As we gave each other our final goodbyes from the weekend,
my new flogging friend said “Bottoms rule!”
I’m the subject of a short film which my friend Jim Hankle
is creating, inspired by the LSD Tabloid! I’m so honored! We’ll be getting
together every once and a while and checking in on camera about my life and
what’s going on, a video version of the Tabloid. Jim is a very talented photographer/filmmaker
so I can’t wait to see what he comes up with.
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I sent this letter to my sisters a few days ago:
Ugggh, today sucked so bad at work it was crazy. I've
never come so close to just walking out of a job. First of all I overslept
(surprise, surprise, after two days of opening the store at 4:30 AM), which
set the whole day off to a shit start because I couldn't get ahold of the
other guy, Erick, who was scheduled to open with me. He waited around for
a while and then left and went to hang out at another Starbucks. Later on
the Shift Supervisor from that store called to say that Erick looked like
crap and probably went home sick. No call from Erick, though, even though
I paged him twice and left a message on his answering machine (he's already
in the dog house, so he may not be around much longer), so I had to set up
and open the whole place by myself. To make a long story short, for the first
time I ran the bar by myself during the peak rush hour, and actually surprised
myself by being on top of the whole situation without killing anyone until
the very end of the rush, when my brain started to tweak out from stress.
The good news is, I left work and went
directly to meet up with the people at the lawyer gopher gig that I referred
to before, took their tests, did really well, and may be getting hooked up
with them soon. They do more than just legal stuff, it's staffing for all
kinds of offices. I know this is not a very bohemian thing for me to do but
I'm so f@#$ing tired of Starbucks, I want to make more money so I don't have
to live paycheck to paycheck and can be more generous and travel more and
I want a more professional-type job anyway. I just can't bear those early
morning hours of craziness any longer, and I don't even much like the people
I work with.
I'll still go to school in the fall for computer stuff. In fact it's hard
for me to imagine working at Starbucks and going to school at the same time
because of the shitty hours. Whatever, enough about that. We're not freaking
out about Owen losing his job because he's in school again now anyway and
can get additional loans to pay for living expenses, plus he'll be doing
a paid internship at a spa as part of the program. So things are generally
OK with us except for the cats pissing all over everything, which is getting
old fast. Bitch, bitch bitch.
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Speaking of Owen, in the last Tabloid I talked about how
we have decided to take a step back from considering ourselves to be in a
primary relationship with one another because we seem not to be meeting each
other’s needs in that department, although in other ways things are going
really well between us. It’s been a good thing for both of us, I think, because
it took some of the pressure off of the time we spend together. When we came
so close to breaking up, I think we both realized that despite the blemishes
in our relationship (every relationship has them), we do love and value each
other, and want to continue on together in one form or the other. We’re actually
much tighter now than we were, though of course it’s always challenging being
in any kind of relationship, because this is where we learn the most important,
and often the most difficult lessons about ourselves
I was really proud of Owen this week because I became
so tired of Starbucks that day I had to work the bar all by myself that I
felt, on a deep level, that it was time to jump into the void and quit even
though Owen was unemployed. I know it sounds crazy that I would have chosen
this moment to seriously consider quitting my job, after all a bird in the
hand is worth two in the bush, but after meeting with the placement agency
I felt confident that it wouldn’t be hard to get another job. After all,
the economy is booming, especially here in San Francisco, and I have marketable
skills. Anyway, instead of freaking out about money, accusing me of being
a crazy fool, anything like that, Owen was totally supportive despite his
reasonable concerns. I sat down, drafted my resignation notice, and intended
to turn it in today, June 16th, so that I could leave in time to go to the
Rainbow gathering in Montana.
Here’s where things get a little mystical, because I’ve
had lots of spiritual movement in my life lately, which I attribute to the
yoga practice and the company of my yoga freak buddies. Last weekend during
practice with the Yogasexuals in Golden Gate Park, or maybe afterwards as
we lay in the sun at Baker Beach (lightly tripping) I once again committed
my life to the spiritual path, giving my life over to the benevolent universe
to take me wherever it would so that I might find enlightenment and be a
clearer channel of love into the world, regardless of concerns about money,
job, housing, any of that. I gave all of those fears away, at least for that
moment, so that my life might be turned into something new and better, trusting
that even if I had to go through some tough times, which I have before, I
would be happier and wiser on the other side. Pretty much right after I made
that commitment, I felt stronger and stronger that it was time to leave Starbucks
and that things would be OK, everything would be provided by the universe
just as they had been when I broke up with Dan (jumping into the void) and
with virtually no money other than credit cards, was able to land this little
studio in the Tenderloin despite the legendary tightness of San Francisco’s
housing market. Well, when I made that decision, told Owen, and wrote the
letter, job leads started pouring in. I’m not exaggerating, I got four bites
THAT VERY DAY, including one which may turn into an editorial position at
LookSmart.com (later on today I should find out for sure). This morning I
had another interview at a boutique hotel called King George (www.kinggeorge.com)
and they basically offered me a job, though I’m waiting to hear from LookSmart
because I’m really into the internet and want to work more with computers
(and the paycheck is fatter). It may be coincidence, but in my cosmology
the universe provides, and provides at lightning speed sometimes, when you
sincerely have faith and follow your heart. I still haven’t turned in my
resignation, mostly because I haven’t heard back from my friends going to
Rainbow and so I’m not sure if I’ll be going after all. And I decided that
I would prefer to have something lined up when I leave Starbucks, because
money truly is tight now that Owen is unemployed, and since he’s in school
a big part of the day, it may be hard for him to get something right away.
I know it sounds like I’m backpedaling, but I think sometimes it’s enough
to have made the commitment, because then the energy changes in such a way
that you may not have to jump into the void after all. Besides, in a weird
way now that I’m convinced I’m going to be leaving Starbucks soon for a better
job, I can deal with the shit between now and then.
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Upcoming events, internet links and contacts:
ANNOUNCING FAERIE FREEDOM VILLAGE, A COMMERCIAL-FREE SPACE WITHIN THE PRIDE
2000 FESTIVITIES AT UN PLAZA.
General contact: Owen Edwards: 415-449-5315,
bayfaerie@hotmail.com
Talent: Clear Blue Easy: 415-351-1588,
bluemoor@earthlink.net
In the new century, the Radical Faeries bring this new
event to the Pride Parade, the first west coast urban radical faerie gathering,
including performance, ritual and transformation.
The Faerie Freedom Village, a commercialism-free
space open to all regardless of gender, perceived gender, sexual orientation,
age, race or religious beliefs, can be found, and will astound, between Hyde
and Leavenworth at Turk and Market north of the fountain in United Nations
Plaza (the heart of Pride 2000) on Sat. and Sun., June 24th and 25th, from
Noon to 6. Please bring food to share and drag ‘n crap for the swap.
Friday, June 23, 9pm: Faerie Freedom Village Kickoff Party “A Midsummer Night’s
Sleaze” at New Meat Campus Theater, 220 Jones (between Ellis and Eddy)
Saturday: (subject to change)
12:00 noon: Opening ritual. A general nondenominational pagan circle and
ritual will open the space. All members of the community will be invited
to this ritual.
*Yogasexual Evolutionary Liberation Party
*Eighth-note records’ Jallen Rix (www.rixartz.com)
*Eighth-note records singer/songwriter Garrin Benfield
(www.garrin.com) with Beatnik Poet Haia The Venusian
*Body painting by Lotus
*DJ Jamez Smith
*Poet Sparrow 13
*Guitarist Racer Lupine
*a “No Talent” show
*a drag ‘n crap swap (drag and other items to exchange)
Sunday: (subject to change)
DJ Timothy Buttercup
*1 pm: Eighth-note records singer/songwriter Garrin Benfield
with Beatnik Poet Haia The Venusian
*Yogasexual Evolutionary Liberation Party
*Body painting by Lotus
*3 pm The fabulous girls of Diva Revue
*A drag race
*6 pm: Closing ritual/drumming circle
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Read some about my friend Haia the Venusian at http://www.links.net/vita/sf/haia/
Check out SHOW SHOW, a comedy skit series written, directed by and starring
Jim Jeske, Lars Micha, and me, Blue Moor, produced by Mark Kliem of the fabulous
Lavender Lounge Studios: http://www.lavenderlounge.com/showshow.html
Find out more about hot new rising musician and extra-super nice guy Garrin
Benfield at his webpage: http://www.garrin.com/index.html
For information about the Summer 2000 gathering at Wolf Creek, OR check out
this link: http://www.IamMagic.com/Gathering2000.html
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Tabloid Tarot
I am using the Aleister Crowley Thoth deck of tarot cards,
and refer to a text entitled “The tarot handbook: practical applications
of ancient visual symbols,” by Angeles Arrien, Arcus Publishing Company,
1987. I will do a three-card spread representing past, present, and future.
The reading is as follows:
Past: Prince of Wands, Mastery of Inspired Creativity.
This card is all about creativity coming from deep within, radiating out,
and about creative inspiration coming from others as well. It’s about moving
in new directions with creative energy and inner passion being the prime
motivators. “(The Prince) is committed to growing, expanding, and transforming
himself through the creative process.
This certainly relates to all the creative work going
on and the high energy I’ve been feeling around here lately. So much stuff
is going on, so many people I know are going through big changes driven by
internal passion and creativity, it’s really encouraging. This card certainly
relates to my decision to leave Starbucks. The card depicts the Prince on
a chariot driven by a lion, a clear sign of positive change and forward movement.
Present: Ace of Swords. “The Ace of Swords represents
mental clarity, inventiveness and originality. It is the mind that has moved
out of doubt and confusion.” This certainly fits for my present because until
just recently I had been feeling such a sense of being trapped at Starbucks,
but then when I gave the whole situation over to the universe, that feeling
passed and I’ve been feeling more free, faithful and optimistic. “This symbol
supports writing, editing, research of any kind and represents access to
creative thinking, brain-storming, intuitive thinking and decision-making.”
This may indicate good news about the LookSmart.com job!
Future: The Fool. I was so happy to see this card in my
future because this is my favorite card, the one that I want to have tattooed
on my arm (but not the image from the Crowley deck; I prefer the Rider-Waite
picture, which shows a silly little hippy fool following a butterfly to the
edge of a cliff, with a dog nipping at his heels, though he does not react
in fear). The Fool is all about being a child of the universe, living in
spontaneous wonder and fearless adventure, and this is how I aspire to live
my life. “The Fool is the universal principle associated with the state of
consciousness we experience before birth and after death. In life’s experience,
this state of consciousness is often labeled or experienced as being mystical,
transcendent, ecstatic, and transpersonal in its nature. Speaking of ecstatic,
I went to see Chic (“Aaaah, Freak Out!) in San Jose with the Yogasexuals
last week and had so much fun! “The Fool is an excellent symbol to use as
a visual affirmation to enhance courage, risk-taking, and the creative expression
that is necessary to give birth to new parts of one’ s life. The Fool represents
the energetic essence of who we are, the essence of ourselves which is always
whole, healthy and without fear.” Namaste :)