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LSD Tabloid
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April 1997
Schmoozemagazine of Love's Supreme Desire XXX
New Moon, April, 1997
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This is LSD Tabloid, the monthly and then some callboard and events newsletter
of Love's Supreme Desire XXX, a radical faerie and friends' creative network.
Feel free to forward/distribute as you please as long as nobody makes any
money off of it. Entire contents copyright Bloobird/LSDxxx unless authorship
otherwise noted.
Tel-a-Fool events & info line /Fax: 415-333-9549, e-mail: bloobird@sirius.com
Thanks to David Kerlick, back issues of LSD Tabloid are available on the World
Wide Web at http://www.eskimo.com:80/~davidk/faeries/pubs.htm
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Getting over dad, thanks to St. Liberace
Howdy all of you, what's up? Things are going well in lovely San Francisco.
It's been an interesting period for me lately because I feel I have confronted
the root causes of my ongoing depression, and I know you're glad to hear about
that I can stop kvetching and get over it. A while ago I prayed that I could
just figure out what was causing my long-term depression and face it head-on
because I was tired of dealing with it. Shortly thereafter, things started
flying between me and my father, and then it all stopped, and now things
are much better. And now that things are better in that regard, I'm able
to look at other areas in my life more clearly.
So, what happened? Well, right after I decided that I wanted to confront
the roots causes of my depression, I received a letter from my father regarding
my HIV seroconversion. It took him over a month to get back to me as he was
"organizing his thoughts." The letter was very straightforward, charmless,
and cold. He said that I had made a series of really stupid decisions, that
he knew when I moved to San Francisco that I would probably get AIDS. He said
he didn't believe that straights couldn't casually get HIV from gays and
that even if the risk of transmission is infinitesimal, I should stay away
from my nieces and nephews so that I won't infect these innocents. He said
he knew that there were drugs out there which could do me a whole lot of
good (like Protease Inhibitors) but that he was not going to spend his investments,
his life savings, to subsidize homosexuality (I hadn't asked him for any
money or assistance). He also said that there was still time for me to save
my immortal soul. The final words he wrote in this letter were a dismissive
"Good Luck!"
I took his letter, placed it beneath a white candle, smoked some grass,
then did some spontaneous therapy in which I pretended to tell him exactly
how I felt, how I did not wish him pain, misfortune, or suffering. I thanked
him for all his sacrifices, and apologized for any of the pain between us
for which I was responsible. Then I told him that I needed to move on for
the sake of my own spiritual, emotional and physical well-being. I wanted
these words to enter his dream state back in Ohio and reach his heart. The
next day I took the letter and a photo of him which I had cut from a family
portrait and burned them both in the back yard, a cleansing ritual with no
harmful intent. I had to put his power over me to rest, to free myself from
this old pain and anger.
I wasn't going to respond to his letter at all, just move on and let him
wonder what I thought about it, I wouldn't send him cards on holidays or gifts
or any "make-nice" thing like that because it would be hypocritical to do
so. But then one of my sisters and my father got started talking about me,
and she responded in defense of me and my life, which began to turn into a
little scene, and I realized that I would have to make a stand to get it done
with. My sister told me that she had stopped initiating contact with him
years before but that he hadn't even noticed. I wanted him to know what was
going on, to know that I was out of his reach.
First I wrote him a big letter, blah blah blah, same stuff I expressed to
him for years when I was trying to make peace with him, trying to open up
to him so that he would understand me and perhaps show me a little bit of
his own heart. I sincerely wanted to have a good relationship with him because
I thought I needed it. Despite my efforts, these letters were all received
with indifference, so I decided to go a route with a bit more oomph, a little
more queer chutzpa and irreverence. In short, I was feeling bitchy.
I trashed the letter and instead found a postcard that Dan and I bought
in Las Vegas which showed Liberace swooping out onto the stage in all his
glory as Queen of Las Vegas, Mr. Showmanship, drenched in sequins and rhinestones
for all the world to see with a huge happy queer smile on his face brighter
than the sun. Liberace who died of AIDS. On the postcard I wrote: "Dad, I
wasn't going to respond to your wonderfully kind, caring and christian letter
(which I burned in the back yard), but I was afraid you would never know how
warm and fuzzy it made me feel inside, so I decided I would let you know in
this, my last correspondence with you unless some miracle occurs and like
the Grinch, your heart grows ten times larger than it is. For years I have
foolishly tried to make peace with you and undo the past. I was rebuffed every
single time. Now I come to you with news of a potentially fatal illness and
you cruelly throw it in my face. Thanks for all the material sacrifices you
made for me in accordance with the law, no thanks for all the pain and suffering.
See you next life! Good Luck!"
Why didn't I just call him up and tell him off? Because my father was very
good at intimidating and belittling all of us, and this black magick still
affects me in my day-to-day life, or it did up to this point. I am still shy
and unsure of myself sometimes, but this is improving. It used to be that
if I raised my hand in class, my heart would beat out of its chest, so afraid
was I to speak up. We were never to cross or oppose my father. His will overshadowed
us all in my house. His rage was terrifying to us all, and still haunts me.
I want you to know that I only write about these things to share information
about what it's like to be HIV positive, to be gay, to be an artist, to be
me, essentially. I do not wish to moan or whine or bore you all to tears with
this stuff because to do so would not even give you an accurate reflection
of my life. I am basically a very happy, fun-loving person, and my life is
full of love. I like people and enjoy entertaining, cooking, growing things,
playing with my cats, writing, doing photography, watching cheesy movies,
laughing and frolicking in the sunshine. I don't want you all to think I'm
some pathetic lonely loser sitting in the shadows sick and afraid blue light
from the computer late into the night. That's not to say that there aren't
times when I feel exactly this way, because I most certainly do. Don't we
all feel like that sometimes? I've dealt with some shit lately, sure, but
who hasn't, and what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. And even if it does
kill you, you're still stronger. I want to share more of the good stuff with
you from now on, because my life is mostly good.
So, how's the HIV going?
OK, so far. I'm taking two antivirals, Ddi and D4t and they seem to be helping
a lot. I'm also taking lots of herbs, vitamins and minerals, and doing a therapeutic
form of exercise called Qigong, which has been very helpful and relaxing.
My energy is up and my mind is more clear. I used to get spaced-out more
easily, but I guess part of that was because of obsessing about other things.
Last night I had a sort-of asthma attack that I'm not sure is related to
the HIV or just too much champa incense burning in the house. Happens occasionally,
like I'm laying down and get wheezy and have to cough some. It's not that
I can't breathe, it's just that I feel constricted inside and have a burning
sensation in my chest. Could this be a sign of pneumonia developing or other
such thing? I doubt it. It doesn't happen very frequently and usually seems
to follow a pot-smoking weekend or the burning of incense. My lungs are more
sensitive now to being messed-with in these ways.
A friend told me that he seroconverted on Monday. He's a very new friend
but we took to each other right away. He reminds me of Jerry Lewis in the
good old days, great silly laugh and smiling face. He was distraught but strong,
had experiences which have emotionally prepared him to handle this. His lover
is also positive. They are OK about it, considering. I told them that I have
to honestly say that the HIV seroconversion has been an overwhelmingly good
thing. It has focused my mind, allowed me to make some necessary, long-overdue
changes in my life, has allowed me to appreciate and enjoy life so much more,
and so many other good things. Sure, my life span may possibly be shortened
(or may not be), but hey, we all die someday and this has been a gift. Not
a curse, not a punishment from the vicious God my biological father worships.
It has been a gift and a blessing, and it came to me only after I had been
emotionally prepared to handle it. I'm thankful for everything in my life.
Stuff I've been up to while no longer obsessing about my biological father
Well, the Ginsberg memorial in San Francisco was truly fantastic and wonderful.
Got to see Keith Hennessy reading Kaddish with other poets, sat in the courtyard
under grey skies around a fountain full of oranges free to eat. The temple
was packed with loving energy and a sense of history, serene, beautiful stained-glass
windows one with huge significant rainbow, graceful round dome cream-colored
texture of rich smooth earth, echoes soft and deep, warm in the magickal space,
remembering Ginsberg the generous, the joyful, the passionate, the lustful,
the happy and sorrowful, the sincere and humble! May his spirit move us all
to be passionate, brave, sincere, real, true, happy, loving, giving, lustful
and full of laughter and life!
Saw the amazingly talented and committed drag queen of the planet for all
time Divine starring in John Waters' Pink Flamingoes at the fabulous Castro
theater this weekend. Of course I've already seen it about thirty-five times,
but never on the big screen and never such a quality print. Usually, I've
watched copies of copies of copies where the sound is so bad that you don't
know if Miss Edie wants eggs or "gz." Of course Edith Massey in that beautiful
rich Baltimore accent forgetting her lines in all her adorable splendor is
my favorite non-actress star. The story of Pink Flamingoes should be well
known to most homos in the world, and if you haven't seen it then you won't
get your John Waters queer scouts merit badge. Filthy, disgusting, dirty,
hilarious, incest, cannibalism, and an all-consuming egg fetish which forces
you to imagine sulfuric farts of unmerciful magnitude, not to mention poodle
scat, this film is a delight for the entire family and should be required
viewing for anybody with a sick sense of humor. Too bad John Waters mellowed
out, but who am I to say? I just think his new stuff is boring as hell. Just
goes to show ya, you don't need big budgets to make a classic. God, I would
love to be in a bad, trashy, offensive, gratuitous cult film like this one.
Call me!!!
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A poem in honor of Leo which I read at his Life Celebration at Land's End
10/18/90
Haia the Venusian
Leo, my Faerie brother... Tho we cannot see you clearly with Earth eyes,
as your form has seemingly disappeared, yet with that last breath did Pele
the Volcano goddess reach out and turn you into a menehune...Little Being,
so that when the new sanctuary in Hawaii joins that at Wolf Creek...there
you shall be, having with your comrades in a single night constructed a wondrous
play room with ropes of magickal fibre! And we shall dance in a circle applying
reeds and switching lightly at one another, and we shall hear you laughing
just beyond the orchids
---dedicated in faerie love to Nymphaea and Teddy Bare, by Haia the Venusian
Dream of 22 April
we are in a house in a jungle. A medicine woman, a curendara with long fingernails
painted silver, dips her hands in a sacred jar and applies the skin-contact
psychoactive substance to the arms of myself and my friend. We float in a
healing bubble of contentment which Orthon, my Venusian brother, has kindly
sent from his scout ship.
---Haia the Venusian
(for info about Haia the Venusian and more of his dreams, see http://www.links.net/vita/sf/haia/)
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NEW projects, plugs and upcoming stuff like that there
* 1997 Gatherings at Zuni Mountain Sanctuary: Wednesday,
June 18th-Monday, June 30th Summer Solstice gathering. Friday, June 20th Full
Moon, rave/ritual. Saturday, June 21st Summer Solstice, ritual. Tuesday, September
23rd, Autumnal Equinox, ritual. Friday, October 31st, Halloween/Samhain, New
Moon, ritual. Saturday, December 20th-Monday, Dec. 22, Winter Solstice Gathering,
ritual (limited space, please call) ZMS: PO Box 636, Ramah, NM 87321 (505)
783-4002, dbalsam@prodigy.com
* Qigong for Health: Traditional Chinese therapeutic exercises
(like tai chi). Every Monday and Wednesday, 50 Oak st., 3rd floor at Van Ness
and Market, SF CA. $1 for HIV+, others suggested donation $5. 415-225-0265
or 415-661-2080
* Call for Submissions: THE FLASHING ASTONISHER is planning
an "erotic" based issue to be release sometime this summer. We need your articles,
stories, photos,drawing (b+w), (advertising money!!!!!!), stuff for review,
or whatever you may have. No holds barred, but we'll accept taste over raunch.
If interested, send stuff w/ SASE by July or so. Thank you. GREGG ADOLF RODRIGUEZ
YETI ILLUSTRIOUS EDITAUR DE LA FLASHING ASTONISHER, BASS MACHINE DE LOS FLASHING
ASTONISHERS, POB 70 SYRACUSE, NY 13210-0070
* Stage Manager needed ASAP: Cruising into tech week for
the show "lovers and other strangers," opening early May, need stage manager.
Call Floyd LaBar at 415-863-3340.
* Club Analog: or, how I learned to stop worrying and
love the moog synthesizer: Sundays, starting April 27 at the Skylark, 3089
16th st., San Francisco, CA. $3 cover.
* CORE: entertainment for the apocalypse: explosive full
contact dancing, luscious, driving live music, danger, survival, resistance
and ecstacy. CORE is Stephanie Maher, Keith Hennessy, Stanya Kahn, Jules Beckman
and Jess Curtis. "...their physical strength and courage were superb."--The
Village Voice. April 25 27, 8:30 PM, Brady Street Dance Center, 60 Brady St.
Nr Market, SF CA. $12 (NOTA) 415-922-2385 res.
* Club Vibe: Tribal Techno funky queer boys and girls
21+ Thursday nights at the Stud, 9th and Harrison. $3-4 cover charge. Faerie
poet DJ Buttercup spins on occasion.
* Feast of Fools: In celebration of the medieval Feast
of Fools and May Day, Beltaine, etc., period of free licentiousness and frivolity
to honor Springtime, this is a big theater/music/art gathering in the Sierra
Foothills 2 hrs from SF. Looking for volunteers. May 2-4, $35+ food costs
full weekend, camping. Faerie contact is ScooterPie, 510-923-0654.
* Dorothy Jesse Beagle performance: Berkeley Art Museum
(Live Oak Park) at 7:00 pm sharp, May 6, Tuesday - songs (with either my "toy"
electric piano or real electric (Rolland) and performance poetry, perhaps
time to do my 13 minute indictment of America again, called AMERICA! (1),
and other poems.
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(Day-old)Projects, Plugs, & Cool Stuff previously posted, Patty
* Tel-a-Fool (415-333-9549): complements Tel-A-Faerie
(415-626-3369), which lists Bay Area radical faerie general information.
Tel-a-Fool lists Bay Area radical faerie and friends arts and creative/healing
spirit events and is a free service. If you want a radical faerie and friends
presence at your event, call Tel-a-Fool at least one week in advance.
* L 'Arte della Strada: A Sidewalk Painting Festival,
will take place at the Anchorage Shopping Center in Fishermen's Wharf (San
Francisco) on June 7-8. The event is open to any artist/s who wish to volunteer.
I think it would be fun for a bunch of us faeries to get together and create
some fabulous sidewalk art. We could dress up and bring the art off the sidewalk
too. The sponsors (a shopping center) require that the picture be "suitable
for public viewing" but I don't think that would limit us too much. I'm not
a talented painter, but I'm happy to help coordinate and be the paperwork
person. I have some ideas (Carravagio... St Sebastian... Hercules... Narcissus...)
and I'm sure other people must have some great ideas, so lets get together,
have fun, make art, and be visible in the City. We actually do need to do
some planning on this (we have to submit our idea) prior to June 7th. Please
call and leave a message on my voice mail, and we'll set up a planning party.
My number is 415-679-0118. Oh yes- if the judges think we're as fabulous as
we do, we could win a $5000 commission to do a wall mural as well. Lastly,
sponsorships are also available; sponsors get their name above the sidewalk
painting. We don't NEED to find our own sponsor (one will be provided for
us) but it might be a good way for a faerie-owned business to get some great
public exposure. xox ScooterPie
* 1997 Gatherings at Wolf Creek, Oregon: run by the Church
of Nomenus. I will put these on the faerie web under http://www.eskimo.com/~davidk/faeries/.May
Day Gathering -- April 26 to May Day Gathering -- April 26 to May 4. The May
Day is usually men and wimn; the others are for queer men. Nomenus Great Circle
May 24 to 26, details Joey Cain (415)-861-7609. Policy decisions about Land
Sanctuary. Daisy Chain Workshop I - The Wounded Healing the Wounded. $130-190
sliding scale, previous attendance at a Radical Faerie Gathering reqd. Write
to Harry Hay, 1212 N. Genesee, LA CA 90046. Nomenus Spiritual Gathering for
Radical Faeries - Aug 16-24, $30/day (notaflof). To work on the gathering,
call Joey in SF at 415.861-7609. Daisy Chain Workshop II - Seeking New Horizons.
August 25 to Sept 1. $130-190 sliding scale. Attendance at a Daisy Chain
I is prerequisite. Write Harry Hay as above. Nomenus Symposium - Ideals &
Visions for the land. October 11 to October 13. (via Joey Cain, Nomenus Corporate
Secretary)
* Sweat Lodge friends: Hello. I am searching for gay Native
Americans who would be interested in discussing Native American spirituality,
particularly shamanism and sweat lodges. For those readers of this tabloid,
you will remember Bloobird's wonderful and insightful experience in a sweat
lodge. I have done some reading and there is also a wonderful video on a sweat
lodge that is available at the SF public library, Main branch. What I would
like to envision in the future, is a sweat lodge outing of serious gay souls
to participate. I would like to find a gay Native American who is familiar
or can facilitate a sweat lodge. I feel that this must be done correctly
and with great respect and reverence for the ritual. If there are such individuals
out there who are willing to do this or know of someone who would, please
contact me: Don Crisostomo, 1169 Market St. #256, SF, CA 94103 or send email
to: don_crisostomo@hotmail.com. Thank you.
* Harmonic Convergence 2: July 25-27, l997. This is a
global event to rekindle and to reinforce the efforts of the first Harmonic
Convergence held ten years ago, Aug. l6-l7, l997. People, wherever they are
on these dates, will be focusing on PEACE, LOVE, and LIGHT. e-mail bjwolf@rochester.infi.net
Please join these two global events and spread the word.
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Resources
* Faerie discussion group: Send message "subscribe faerie"
to Majordomo@QueerNet.ORG
* Holy Faerie Database: CA and Wolf Creek gatherings and
events. PO Box 426732, SF CA 94142
* NOMENUS: PO Box 312 Wolf Creek, OR 97497 (503) 866-2678
If you would like to list something in the space above, call Tel-a-Fool
at 415-333-9549 or e-mail bloobird@sirius.com. Links and URLs are welcome!
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Time is not money. Time is art.
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"Oh, lighten up, willya?" --- Bozo the Clown to Franz Kafka over jelly donuts
at the Chilly-Mart.
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Check out LSD Tabloid at http://www.eskimo.com:80/~davidk/faeries/pubs.htm
Read my sweat lodge vision at http://www.well.com/user/bobby/SC/bloobrd.html
Discover the Gay Kens of San Francisco, Haia the Venusian and his dreams,
and Visit the Frank Moore's shaman's cave