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Schmoozemagazine of Love’s Supreme Desire XXX, e-mail bloobird@sirius.com
J March, 1998
This is the monthly and then some newsletter of Love’s
Supreme Desire XXX, an evolving indeterminate network of disreputable origin.
Feel free to copy/distribute as long as the Tabloid is reproduced in its
entirety and not deliberately misrepresented. Entire contents copyright Blue
aka Bloobird unless authorship otherwise noted. Submissions of material always
welcome. Internet subscriptions are free. To read about the experience that
inspired the creation of LSDXXX, see (http://www.well.com/user/bobby/SC/bloobrd.html).
Most back issues available at(http://www.eskimo.com:80/~davidk/faeries/pubs.htm).
Spring is most certainly in the air--- by Blue
Last time I wrote the Tabloid I was freaking about actually
having the time to follow my dreams and was worried about being able to use
the time productively (“Goddamnit Blue, do you always have to bitch about
something?”). This month I’m feeling much more confident and happy, embracing
the unstructured time I have before me in order to fulfill my dreams. Which
raises the question, “what are my dreams?” That’s an important question because
for a long time I have been living with such an unfocused vision of what
my dreams are that I have been unable to truly follow them. That is, I haven’t
followed my physical, human aspirations because I have been so focused on
following the spiritual path. Not that I have anything against following
the spiritual path, because I know that this search has led me from the thicket
of doubts and fears into my current frame of mind, which is much more positive.
But it may be that I followed my spiritual path too exclusively, or that
I had yet to find a way to integrate my spiritual yearnings with material
realities. I wasn’t grounded or focused enough and often mistook such lack
of focus as a good thing, as in “I’m so free and easy that I don’t have to
work at anything. The universe will provide it all for me.” While I do believe
that the universe provides for all of our needs and that it is good to be
free and flexible and flowing with the breeze and with the pull of one’s
heart, now I believe that it is equally important to be focused and to have
a visualization of what it is you want to achieve with your life, and to
work towards achieving the things that move you. You can’t just sit there
and expect it to fall into your lap. I used to resist work in general because
I couldn’t accept the basic idea that we MUST work. Not that I was lazy,
but I resisted becoming overly focused on “career” because I had been disappointed
when I had career aspirations in both graphic design and theater. I started
to feel hopeless about ever achieving my dreams so I procrastinated, which
only makes things worse. I’ve suddenly realized that procrastination does
nothing but work against my own long-term interests, and I intend to stop
doing that.
So what is it that I want to do? I want to be a good writer
and editor. I also want to be a good cartoonist and jewelry designer. I want
to use my creative gifts to bring beauty and understanding into the world,
to build bridges between all different kinds of people. I’m not interested
in merely speaking to Radical Faeries, nor merely gay men, nor merely artists/writers.
The world is an awfully big place with all kinds of beautiful people of all
different stripes and colors. It’s not enough to only be able to relate to
this or that subset of humanity. This is a new time, we are a truly global
community with the revolutionary impact of media and the internet. We cannot
think in small ways anymore. We know the consequences of small thinking;
witness ethnic and religious warfare in different parts of the world. How
absurd and insane to kill each other because of individual differences, how
truly insane! And the very idea of killing in the name of this god or that
god is too absurd and perverted to even comprehend. Killing for God, however
you want to name the essence of life in all its diversity and beautiful uniqueness,
is to defile the very notion of God! Exploiting for greed and short-term
benefits is too preposterous, how long can we live in denial about such things?
Our consumer society is consuming the ground beneath our feet, the air from
the lungs of future generations. The natural environment is fragile, the
fabric of communities is vulnerable. Should multinational corporations be
allowed to dictate what life forms will be allowed to survive, should they
be allowed to spread waste and arms and to destroy traditional communities
all over the world? Isn’t it perverse that the United States is the wealthiest
nation in the world yet so many of our citizens are homeless, hungry, suffering,
thrown in jail at rates that rival what used to be referred to as the “Evil
Empire?” How long must we endure such outrages, and why are we as a nation
so passive, sheep-like, docile, sleepy-eyed, oblivious and fatalistic about
it?
Part of me now, as I write these things, is saying, “Oh
God, you’re writing such stereotypical left-wing political/social stuff”
but hey, take a long look at the people in power who run things! Do they
represent you? Is this a democracy or a plutocracy? How is it that when most
Americans support campaign finance reform, the people we send to “represent”
us in this “representative democracy” refuse to reform themselves? Is it
true that corporations are the true shadow government? Is this inevitable?
Do we want this to happen?
Anyway, I went off on a big tangent there but that’s what
came out. I keep wanting to write about my trips to Maui and Las Vegas but
then other things seem to be more important to talk about when I actually
sit down and write the Tabloid, and I’m happy to acknowledge that people
have been sending more submissions for publication, so I can’t just rattle
on and on. I can say that my health is good, my T-cells are up to 700 from
the lowest point over a year ago of about 490, and my viral load is still
undetectable. I’m so happy lately, and it’s interesting to see now how much
of my previous angst was related to being unhappy in employment situations.
And now that I’m my own boss, it’s interesting to see how my relationship
to “time” has changed. Time is much more fluid and abstract to me now, not
hard and sure like when I lived more closely to the clock. I also see how
my pace has mellowed now in contrast to people who are living much more fast-paced
lives. I walk slower, I talk slower, I do what I want to when I feel like
it. I keep trying to get out of bed early in the morning but it seems that
my internal clock likes it better when I stay up late and sleep in late.
That’s interesting to me because when I was a teenager I had an artist friend
named Clay Parker back in Cincinnati, and we used to stay over at each others’
houses drawing cartoons, giggling, watching bad movies and drinking instant
coffee late into the night. Lately I’ve been dreaming about hanging out with
him. Yesterday I was wondering, “why do I keep dreaming about hanging out
with Clay?” Then it occurred to me that my inner voice is telling me it’s
OK to flow with my own internal timing and to do whatever it is that allows
me to be most creative and productive, whatever the time of day or night.
I’m learning to blur the lines between work and play and to follow my inner
voice even when it leads me into actions that may not seem to be directly
productive as in “producing” something. The funny thing is that I’m realizing
that one reason I have been such a procrastinator is that I am so ambivalent
about money, it doesn’t strongly motivate me to produce. But still in today’s
world we need to have money or some way to supply our material needs, we
can’t just take from others what we need. I don’t want my partner to ever
feel like I’m taking advantage of him and that I’m not using this new free
time in a productive way. I don’t want to become stagnant or run away from
this opportunity. What am I afraid of when I am procrastinating? Am I afraid
of failure or am I afraid of success? Am I afraid of rejection? Am I afraid
of saying something that might offend somebody? Am I afraid to be fully responsible
for my own blossoming as an artist? Am I afraid of the commitment involved
in following this path? Now I understand that yes, it’s OK not to be motivated
by money, but still one must be motivated by something! Now I have to clearly
identify what it is that motivates me, and I have to drop my resistance and
allow it to push me into new areas. © 1998 Blue
Dream of June 30, year unknown---by Haia Ted Berk the Venusian
A magickal being appears and tells us: “Enough of these
stupid, cruel, adult, materialistic games! It is time to be silly and naked
and childlike!” And he waves his hand, and it is a vast playland and the
bankers and controllers and slave masters suddenly disappear and we go thru
a mossy tunnel on our stomachs to emerge to fragrant flowers and magick mushrooms.
© 1998 Haia Ted Berk
---Haia Ted Berk, born in Nebraska 1935, of eastern European Jewish ancestry
also acknowledge partial Venusian origins as revealed by magick mushrooms
in Mexico and I praise my queer heroes Walt Whitman and Allen Ginsberg and
William S. Burroughs and the goat-footed Pan! Faerie magick infuses all!
Mishka the white Tabby who blesses my elf house is also avatar of the universe.
Watch the skies and go with the green ray of nature. For more about Haia
see http://www.links.net/vita/sf/haia/
Nothing timeless is ever old---by Dorothy Jesse Beagle
I remember from 1988 Cafe Milano poetry series in Berkeley,
hearing Performance Artist Frank Moore say cheerfully “they call me old-fashioned.”
“Old-fashioned” is another ‘dismissal’ word and
stupid - no different than people trying to dismiss the whole ‘'60's and
along with it, people of good heart as if we evolved to heartless, all of
us --- these are people believing the brainwashing of “what we are” is the
media, the politicians instead of observing that there are amazing individuals
world-wide (students I met from other countries watching with me as I shed
a tear when UC bulldozers tore up grass to build basketball court in People's
Park - and they cared, and students from
CAL cared and that was in late 1980's or even later I believe, and the European
students had HEARD of the symbol of People's Park and knew the “symbol” of
the spirit that was always there, and is and will be in the future, but people
get tricked into dissecting the decades... so “old-fashioned” is the same
shallow
thinking and perhaps unconscious means of dismissal. (Poet Scott Boggs remarked
that Frank Moore's performance was not only not old-fashioned but was far
ahead of its time and others, he said, would in later years catch up... and
that makes sense too... past present and future... which is why I like to
say sometimes how far behind (and ahead) I am in my music... and only YESTERDAY
a good friend, poet said to me, there are no more people like the ‘60's,
people have CHANGED--- (of course... true) nothing like the ‘60's, no more
people like that in the ‘70's, ‘80's, or ‘90's--- I argued strongly: I said
the world is full of that spirit, of people who will die for a cause, who
believe in flower power, it's important to know they are there and not just
in Performance Poetry, or among the artists, and certainly not just among
the older, but especially the many young people I've heard speak and known
in many walks of life and cultures from the young blacks to the punk friends
with earrings in their nose, the young ‘zine publishers (who begin very early)
wherever, to the “disabled” to the brighter-than-we-ever-were high school
students, to the runaways on Telegraph Avenue in Berkeley they have meetings
about now, proposing getting rid of them, bad for business- not true! It
was the rain! (I said sweetly, you can't just line them up and shoot them
or drop them into cyanide for your convenience). Of course, they belong there
(and for very young runaways, the place they said they feel safe, the best
place some said, they had to go was that street)--- to the religious ones
in their pentecostal church, to the upper well-dressed, good homes good schools,
grads from UC I know who are hip and great... hey - we're there! Old-fashioned?
Nothing timeless is ever old.
© 1998 Dorothy Jesse Beagle, djesse@juno.com
---Dorothy Jesse Beagle - songwriter performer, featured and published poet,
S.F. Bay Area for over 30 yrs. Author of two musicals (book/lyrics/music):
“TIMBER!,” a first place winner in American Musical Festival Competition
1986. Current Musical Drama, “Frederick and Anna” (a young Frederick Douglass
before escape from slavery).” This biographical information was quoted from
1998 Winter issue - Academic Journal DISCOURSE - Special issue on the BEAT
POETS, which includes Beagle poem “Don't Bitch No More, Kerouac” performed
for RE-BEAT, a Beat Renaissance in Bay Area 1996, at SOMAR, SF. Dorothy is
a regular contributor to “Cherotic (r)Evolutionary,” ‘zine of performance
artist Frank Moore www.eroplay.com
My Weekend In Film -- a summary of the Sedona International Film Festival---by
Graham Ames
It was 9 AM when we started our first day of the Sedona
International Film Festival... Steve had gotten passes through the
hotel where he works, and we had both been looking forward to spending 2
days immersed in alternative and independent cinema.
Our first film was “The Best Revenge” (USA, 1996, Directed
by James Bennet, starring Carlos Riccelli, Robert Pine, Pat Destro, Bruna
Lombardi). An interesting piece, with some clever plot moments... A
Salvadoran makes his way to the US and discovers that the man who tortured
him and killed his wife some 7 years earlier is living in Los Angeles, and
he begins to plot his own form of revenge upon his persecutor from all those
years before. I liked how it was set against the Rodney King riots, removing
the entire “why aren't the police involved” possibility... However,
the pacing on this was _terrible_, making what could have been a very engaging
film more tedious than anything else. It's a shame, too. I really like the
story on this one. Plus, it was nice to see Robert Pine (Sarge from C.H.i.P.S.)
doing something.
Due to some logistical problems (our first movie started
late, etc), we ended up with some time to kill, so we went to the restaurant
next door for some munchies and a couple of beers... After that, however
we headed
back into the darkened theater.
“Jerome” (USA, 1997, Directed by Eric Tignini, starring
Drew Pillsbury, Wendie Malick, Scott McKenna, Beth Kennedy, James Keenley,
and Paul Maurisch) was a World-Premiere film that Steve and I were quite
eager to see. A welder living in Bakersfield, CA has had a dream for some
years--- visit the artist colony of Jerome, AZ, that he's only heard about
from friends, and that he only envisions based on a postcard he was given
several years ago. One day, he just decides to leave everything and go there.
Along the way, he has possibly the WORST time he could ever have on the road.
We're not just talking about a minor glitch in his travel plans... This film
was a LOT of fun, at once disturbing and entertaining. If it ever gets a
commercial release, even on video, seek this one out. It's a journey well
worth taking.
Next up was “Green (aka Whatever)” (USA, 1997, Directed
by Karl T. Hirsch, starring Hyrum Patterson, Dana Millican, Matt Gallagher,
and Karl T. Hirsch). Four friends gather for a night together before thanksgiving
break ends, and the Green Pill that each of them takes, takes them, and the
audience, deep within each of their psyches. Entirely different filming styles
and techniques create immersive profiles of each character, and created a
hugely powerful effect on me--- so much so that I've been haunted by this
piece ever since. I heartily encourage all of you to check out http://members.aol.com/strich9nma/home.htm
for more information on this gem, and if you have an art theater in your
area, see if you can get this screened there. It's all independent distribution,
so help these guys out if you can.
Showing with “Green” was a short film called “Walk This
Way” (USA, 1996, Directed by Chris Sheridan), a documentary about Chris’
own airplane crash and subsequent revision of his life as he’s had to adjust
to living in a wheelchair. Charming, upbeat, immensely positive... This piece
won Favorite Short Film for the weekend, and left a very strong impression
on everyone who saw it.
Next up was “Elles” (Luxembourg, 1997, Directed by Luis
Galvao Teles, starring Marthe Keller, Carmen Maura, Miou-Miou, Marisa Bereson,
Guesch Patti). 5 women, all of them friends, deal with their lives as they
progress into life after 40. At once affecting, charming, moving, funny,
and engaging, this film so skillfully manages to not only carry 5 separate
story lines, but do so fully develop each of the women in unique, outstanding
ways, I had no idea such a huge amount of storytelling could be packed into
only 95 minutes, let alone in a foreign language with subtitles. If you speak
French, keep your eyes out for this one--- I can only imagine it would have
even greater depth and texture if I knew the language...
The last film from the first day was “Archibald, The Rainbow
Painter” (USA, 1997, Directed by Les Landau, starring Michael McKean, Dorian
Harewood, Patti D'Arbanville, and Amie Carey). Archie is a house painter
who gets involved in the lives of one of his clients--- the teenage daughter
discovers that her Vietnam Veteran father is missing, and turns to Archie
for help in locating him. During the process, Archie himself starts to have
to confront his own demons from his time “in country.” Michael McKean has
done a lot of things I’ve really liked, but he is outstanding in this film,
and the sum total of the movie is much more than any one of its parts. The
Festival Favorite, this should be appearing in theaters nationwide later
this year. Watch for it. It's wonderful!
The second day began a bit later than we expected (we
slept through the 9 AM screenings) so we began the day with “American Perfekt”
(USA, 1997, Directed by Paul Chart, starring Robert Forster, Amanda Plummer,
Paul Sorvino, Fairusa Balk, David Thewlis). Sandra has a terrifying encounter
with hostile forces while driving to meet her sister for a trip back home.
Jake comes to her rescue, and together they begin a tangled, violent, sexy
journey across the desert and through life together. A cautionary tale of
the force of fate in our lives, this movie will also be appearing in theaters
later this year. Another one to watch for, don't go to this film expecting
a quiet ride.
“Merchants of Venus” (USA, 1997, Directed by Len Richmond,
starring Michael York, Beverly D’Angelo, Nancy Fish, Prunella Gee, Troy Donahue,
Brian Cox, Michael J. Polland, Arthur Hiller, Stephen Nichols) is about a
Russian immigrant who comes to American to live the American Dream, and ends
up getting a job in a sex toy factory. Now, with a set-up like that, how
could you NOT want to see this movie? Entertaining, clever, and on top of
it all, a very intelligent love story. Lots of fun!
We ended our time at the festival by seeing the Selected
Shorts feature. 5 short films (“Mouse” directed by Greg Pak, “Girls Night
Out” directed by Myra Paci, “10 Seconds” directed by Christophe Joly, “The
Proof” directed by Mathew Stone, and “Call Me Fishmael” directed by Steven
Dovas)... I always like the short film format, for exactly the same
reason why I like short stories--- depth and texture are built quickly, and
often the vignettes have greater lasting impact than many full-length films.
In all, the weekend was a GREAT amount of fun, although
I never knew I could get so exhausted from just sitting and watching... My
personal favorite was “Green,” but I'd really highly recommend “Elles,” “American
Perfekt,” and “Jerome,” and I fully expect “Archibald, The Rainbow Painter”
to be at least a minor hit. One cool feature of the weekend was getting to
tell stars and directors that I really enjoyed their work. I got to meet
the director of “Green,” which is how I found out about the website. I got
to tell one of the stars of “Jerome” that I love it... I got to say “thank
you very much” to the director of “Elles”... Steve told me that I was
the only person he knew who would be crazy enough to spend the entire weekend
“doing it right,” and I'm certainly glad he knew that about me! I look forward
to next year's festival already!
Thanks for listening! See you at the movies!!!
© 1998 Graham Ames, hippybear (IRC), mcgee@acca.nmsu.edu,
AOL-IM: hipEbear, ICQ 3857882
---Graham Ames perhaps doesn't exactly live on a diet of media intake, but
he does his best to try. His interests include pursuing happiness, creating
the ultimate homemade pizza, and watching Star Wars: A New Hope. He
lives in Sedona, AZ, where he works doing website design. http://rever.nmsu.edu/~mcgee/
Teeny Tiny Movie Review---by Blue
Kurt and Courtney---This film, which was dropped from the lineup of the Sundance
Film Festival because of legal threats by Courtney Love’s people, is a must-see
and sure-to-be cult classic. Miss Love tried to prevent the making of the
film and threatened to sue the Roxie Theater in San Francisco for daring
to world-premiere it. The film raises the question, “did Courtney Love have
Kurt Cobain killed or drive him into it because she wanted his money, or
was it really suicide?” It also raises the question, “Is Courtney Love, in
her Vanity Fair advertising layouts and slinky designer gowns, the biggest
cheeseball sellout ever, or what?” This film has interesting real-life people
who are involved in the seamy underbelly of drugs and rock and roll. See
Courtney’s old punk musician boyfriend dish her to pieces in his solid cement
basement. See Kurt’s aunt Mary cheerfully singing a special song she wrote
in honor of Kurt before a group of the most bored, bemused pre-teens I have
ever seen. Watch silky-chic Courtney dodge questions from the filmmaker,
Nick Broomfield, saying she’s “happy” as she wipes an excess of something
from the end of her nose, just seconds before addressing the ACLU (despite
having on occasion threatened the lives of reporters). See Courtney ten-feet
tall on the big screen behind the ACLU podium where she stands wiping an
excess of something from the end of her nose. See Courtney’s own father trying
to sell his books of “Who killed Kurt?” conspiracy theories. Learn from the
lead singer of The Mentors, a big-ass drunk Los Angeles heavy metal biker
dude named El Duce, who claimed Courtney offered him $50, 000 to rub Kurt
out with a shotgun. Gasp later when he turns up hit by a train near his home.
Kurt’s friends and an ex-girlfriend talk about the real Kurt and the isolation
he felt as a Mega-Superstar. His ex-girlfriend has cool stuff in her apartment
I would kill for, and we get to see some of Kurt’s angsty artwork. He comes
out looking like the sensitive poet Nirvana fans hoped he really was.
Hotlines, URLS, Calls for entry, upcoming gigs, you know, stuff like that
GENERAL CALL FOR SUBMISSIONS, upcoming issues of The LSD Tabloid. Looking
for writings of any kind under 1000 words on (but not limited to): 1) the
intersection and/or conflicts between art and spirituality, spirituality
and sexuality, art and sexuality 2) passion and chaos in a rational world
(or rationalism in a passionately chaotic world, for that matter) 3) the
millennium: media hype, biblical hooey, cosmic opportunity or what? 4) personal
spiritual experiences/revelations, trials and lessons 5) art and sacrifice,
spirituality and sacrifice, art and transcendence, spirituality and transcendence
6) travel journals (especially road trips and vision quests) 7) what is living?
What is dying? What is holding on to life, what is letting go? What is the
gray area between the two? 8) what do you think about the way things are
run? About the way they should be run? How would you do it differently? 9)
have any personal paranormal experiences to relate? 10) reviews of unique
performances, movies, books, music, web pages, etc.
These are some suggested topics, but others are welcome.
Please email to Blue at bloobird@sirius.com for inclusion in an upcoming
issue of The LSD Tabloid, including biographical statement. I am unable to
pay contributors at this point. All rights remain in the possession of contributors.
Sat. March 21, 7:30 - 10:00 pm at Build, 17th & Guerrero in SF. Beggar's
Trail (acoustic duo), Tamar Krames (acoustic songs), Garrin Benfield Trio
(Garrin on Guitar and Vocals, Noah Thorpe, bass & David Mumper, drums),
a musical performance of the Frog Prince by Noah Thorpe and John Brinker,
and poems read by Haia Ted Berk. $5, no one turned away for lack of funds.
Refreshments available. Try to be on time because music must end promptly
at 10 pm.
Tree is pleased to announce the display of his current paintings in a show
entitled “What color is the dark side?” April 16-May 12, 1998 at 848 Community
Space, 848 Divisadero at McAllister, San Francisco. Opening reception/party/ritual
Thursday April 16, 7:30 PM. Please bring things to make noise, invite friends,
and wear something “special!” Gallery hours: Sundays April 19, 26, May 3,
10, from 1-5 PM.
Rock Candy open house. On Sunday, May 3, from 1-5 pm, DO NOT visit the home
of Blue and Dan as I suggested last issue. Our house was attacked by Mothra
and now we must have the next Rock Candy open house at the home of Jim and
Lars. Check out all the lovely beaded bits of jewelry created by Rock Candy
designers Blue (that’s me) and DJ/musician Lars. 20 Ridgewood (off Monterey),
SF CA 94127, accessible by BART (Glen Park Station) and MUNI lines 43, 23,
and 36. Please RSVP to bloobird@sirius.com or call 415-585-8273.
The Number: 415-289-6666. Some of what's going down in the world of art and
kookiness in San Francisco.
3/98: Check out this URL for bits of wisdom from my kitty love guru, Dave:
http://www.sirius.com/~fishpaw/davewave.html.
3/98: Check out (http://www.laughingsquid.com/index.html) for info about
Burning Man, the Cacophony Societies, First Church of the Last Laugh, SubGenius,
Brainwash Movies Festival, ArtCar WestFest, SEEMEN
3/98: Check out interactive activist television via the internet at http://www.freespeech.org
Time is not money. Time is art.