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February 1997 LSD Tabloid
Hey. all you LSD Tabloid reading types out there, how's it going? Spring
is almost here! The weather in San Francisco is beautiful; sunny, clear, breezy.
Yesterday I planted wildflower seeds in the back yard. How are you?
It occurred to me recently that we could have an online discussion group,
ongoing, about whatever we wanted to talk about. I have been inspired by the
performance artist Frank Moore and his mailing list which is populated by
sincere and dedicated performist artists and poets, and I think it would be
fun for those of you who subscribe to the LSD Tabloid to cross-pollinate,
chit-chat, trade recipes, I don't know, bitch, gossip, whatever. Certainly
you all have things in common or fate would not have thrown you together on
this list. So, anyone who is interested in such a virtual salon, contact me
and we can see what happens next. I know we all subscribe to too many e-lists,
and I myself am drawing back from the amount of real time I spend on the
internet (because I want to do other things as well), but still, it could
be cool... Yours, Bloobird
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LSD Tabloid
Schmoozemagazine of the Love's Supreme Desire collective
No. 2, vol. 2 February 1997
Tel-A-Fool events & info line /Fax: 415-333-9549
E-mail: bloobird@sirius.com
This is LSD Tabloid, the monthly callboard and events newsletter of the
Radical Faerie and Friends' creative/ healing spirit collective, Love's Supreme
Desire. Next tabloid deadline is March 1.
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I want to find my right livelihood. I want new and fun and psychedelic energy
in my life right now.
I want something new and fun in my life. Not that I'm complaining, because
it's damn good news to hear me say I want something fun at all. For so long,
I've been bitching, whining, stuck in the past, while the present whizzes
on by. No more. This is my year. I'm going to have some fun. I'm going to
improve my mind. I'm going to do things, and be good to myself, and not cut
myself down, and not doubt myself (even now that little negative voice in
my head is saying: "You sound so self-absorbed. You sound so superficial.
Why is important to have fun? Why is it important to be happy? You should
be more serious.") Well, little voice in my head (whom I call "Cyclops," as
in one big all-seeing eye in the middle of the forehead and a big fat mouth),
I've BEEN serious for the past many years, ever since, gosh, when was the
last time I was silly and care-free? I guess the last time I was silly and
care-free was when I was a little kid. And I want that back! As an adult,
I can make choices, right, I'm free, right? And I choose to be silly and
care-free, expansive and curious like when I was a kid but too ignorant to
appreciate it.
(Oh god, he's not going to say "Inner Child," is he?). Well, now come on.
Look at yourself in the mirror. It says to you that you are X-number of years
old. But you know that inside, you still feel about eight. Don't you ever
feel like someday someone is going to come up to you and say, "You imposter,
you're only eight years old. Why have you been trying to pretend you're an
adult?" I never feel like an adult. That's not true, I do, but I don't like
it when I feel that way because it means I have to be all grown-up and serious.
But when you're all grown-up and serious, that means you can't grow anymore,
right? Or does it? As we grow older, do we grow into our own person, or somebody
else's definition of who we should be? (wow, that's profound, I read that
on the bathroom wall at K-mart). I mean to say, who exactly are you? Are you
who you thought you might be when you grew up? Of course you're not, and
that's OK. (Did I just say "and that's OK?" I'm turning into Stuart Smalley
or whatever that Saturday Night Live character's name is). I'm not here saying,
"quit your job and go play in the sandbox. The world sucks and we are destroying
it and we should just quit our jobs and go play in the sandbox." But then
again, I am saying that. No, I'm not. I'm just saying, number one, nobody's
perfect, we are all just trying to make a go of it in a confusing and complicated
world. So lighten up. Don't be so hard on yourself, and don't be so hard on
others. Number two, I'm saying, be like a little kid again, in the way you
view each day, with hope and a sense of adventure ("yeah, but my job sucks
and my home life sucks and my past sucks and my future sucks and everything
sucks.") Oh, come now, it can't be all that bad, and if it is, what's stopping
you from changing it? ("My kids, my mate, my parents, my job, my house, my
car, Martha Stewart") All of that is just bullshit. Fear stops us from doing
what we want to do, what we know we'd be good at, where we know we'll be happy.
And fear doesn't come from outside. It comes from inside, in how we react
to things, and it directly affects how we live our lives.
I say this because I know that I have a lot of fear in my life. Here's a
small example: "Nobody reads this. And if they do, they think you're nuts
or self-absorbed. They think you have a big head, that you act like you care
but really all you want is some sort of fame, even though you deny it. You
will never be anyone or do anything because you don't deserve it. You are
a sinner. You are a loser. You are fooling yourself. You are alone." These
are just examples of the little things that used to go around in my head in
circles and spirals, keeping me immobilized with timidity, inaction and frustration.
I used to look around for someone to blame: my parents? The Catholic church?
The Republican party? Kathie Lee Gifford? But now I know that regardless
of the source (if in fact there ever WAS a source), it is MY responsibility
to face these fears and if necessary, SHOUT THEM DOWN! ("Well, that's not
very New Age. You're not supposed to shout, you're supposed to imagine swarms
of dolphins carrying angels through blue waters to an ocean of serenity.")
Yeah, yeah, that doesn't help when you feel like a big fat loser. It does
help, but what also helps is a big burst of "I'm just tired of this pathetic
bullshit. I want my life to be fully functional, ALL SYSTEMS GO! I'm tired
of waiting around for it to happen. I want it NOW, and I want it to be FABULOUS."
("Gosh you should be a motivational speaker and earn tens of thousands of
dollars a year."). I'll get back to you on that. Just kidding, I'm too pure
too ever think about money. Yeah, right. That's denial if I ever saw it. Sure,
I want some damn money. I don't want to sell my soul to get it, but I enjoy
material life as much as the next guy. I'd be a big fat liar and a phony
if I said I didn't like listening to new music, reading new books, going
on a nice vacation. Why should I feel like I have to suffer, to be poverty-stricken,
in order to reach enlightenment? I've already tried that, for a long time
now, and all it got me was resentful, alienated, grumpy and boring. I want
to attract the material things that I need, just as I want everyone to have
all the material things they need. This differs from person to person. I
used to be like some Old Testament fart saying "it's harder for a rich man
to enter the kingdom of heaven than it is for a camel to pass through the
eye of a needle," but that's so simplistic! There are many wonderful people
who have money, and many mean, crabby, bitchy people who are as poor as OJ
Simpson claims to be. I have sabotaged myself for a long time thinking that
money is the root of all evil, but it's not. I think the "desire for money
at all costs" is the root of all evil. Not money in and of itself. ("You
sound like a greedy sonofabitch, just rationalizing your desire for money.")
But I don't desire money, I just desire an end to feeling so resentful and
alienated about not having it. I mean, I wish I didn't have to have money
at all, really. Think of all the time and energy we waste worrying, fighting
about money, because somebody way back when set it up so that there would
be a few people earning tons of money and all the rest of us would end up
working for them (Ooops, watch it there, boy, you sound like a pinko subversive).
Of course I don't need to have money, I could live communally and be perfectly
happy about that (and in fact a HUGE part of me, perhaps more than I want
to admit, really wants to live communally), but hey, I'm in love with a wonderful
guy and I want to live with him in his world, so I have to find a way to make
it work. We all make compromises for love, and I'm no different.
What I really desire is to find my right livelihood, wherein I will feel
good about the money I make because I am doing something I love and want to
do, performing a useful service, using my own gifts and abilities, hurting
no one, and with good, Universal intent. I want to stop feeling so pathetic
because I don't have money, like a failure just because I don't feel like
I fit in with the way the modern world works. When was the last time anybody
asked you if you liked the way this economy is set up? Do you like working
all the time? Do you like being told you have to work harder, faster, longer,
because "it's a competitive global economy, there's nothing we can do to change
that." Well, the people who say that are the ones in power to change things,
and they keep turning up the speed and the anxiety, and we're all just supposed
to work faster and harder even though we've all forgotten why we're working.
What are you working for? And exactly who are these people who are at the
very tippy-top of power and wealth?
Do you ever pray for yourself to the Universal God/Goddess/Wizard of Oz
of your choice? I think it is important to be good and kind to yourself as
well as all of humanity. If you aren't kind to yourself, then being kind
to humanity is really just a ego trip. I mean, it was for me. I thought I
was "so unworthy" that if I could be perceived as being kind to humanity,
then I could begin to feel good about myself, or at least get some outside
approval or validation, which is the same thing as money. Validate yourself
once in a while. You deserve it, girl!
Follow your heart, honor your feelings, expand beyond your boundaries, trip,
fall, pick yourself up, succeed. May you fly like the phoenix beyond a pitch-black
sky into the swirling rainbow of peace (what a fuckin' hippy!).
Projects, Plugs, & Cool Stuff Upcoming
The listings below were proposed by people like yourself who wish to do
creative/healing spiritual work. You are warmly invited to participate either
by proposing your own project (for free) or taking part in someone else's.
Contact me at 415-333-9549 or bloobird@sirius.com and I will be happy to
help spread the word of your idea in the LSD Tabloid. Next deadline March
1. All I ask is that you help print/distribute copies of the tabloid within
your means and time constraints.
* Figure modeling with massage: I will model for you and give you a nice
massage for $40 an hour. I dreamed about this and it seemed like a fun way
to make some extra money and to meet other artists. I'm not a professional
model or masseuse, but I have a healing touch and I smile a lot. Bloobird
@ 415-585-8273.
* Tel-A-Fool: Sponsored by the Love's Supreme Desire collective, Tel-A-Fool
(415-333-9549) complements Tel-A-Faerie (415-626-3369), which lists Bay Area
radical faerie general information. Tel-a-Fool lists Bay Area radical faerie
and friends arts and creative/healing spirit events and is a free service.
If you want a radical faerie and friends presence at your event, call Tel-A-Fool
at least one week in advance. Outgoing events message will be updated each
Wednesday morning, as long as there is new information to add.
* Queer Heat: Calling all sex-positive queer pagan spirits in male human
bodies. You are invited to participate in "Queer Heat" on Saturday, February
22, 1997 from 8 pm to 12 am at 848 Community Space (848 Divisadero in San
Francisco). Attendance is limited to thirty-five men, and a donation of $10
each is requested to cover space rental, purchase of supplies and miscellaneous
expenses. However, no one will be turned away for lack of funds. Some of the
activities that may be included in this event are body painting, rhythm &
movement play, invocation of animal spirits, guided visualization, intentional
touch, erotic exploration and tribal tantra. Our intention in presenting
this event is to weave sacred space and provide minimal structure for the
creation of queer pagan sex ritual. The focus of the energy raised and our
intention for coming together (eg. self healing, planetary healing, building
erotic community, sacred sex play, etc.) would be addressed in an opening
"heart circle" where participants could express concerns, expectations, desires,
etc. as well as co-create and consecrate a container for the activities to
follow. We are looking for volunteers to assist with music (live and/or recorded),
ambient design and set-up, acquisition/purchase of safe-sex materials &
light refreshments, clean-up and ritual design and construction. For more
information call Billium at 510-839-8747 or Scott at 510-531-4982.
Resources
* Faerie discussion group: Send message "subscribe faerie"
to Majordomo@QueerNet.ORG
* Gay Spirit: Powerful queer male drumming circle, monthly.
Contact Roland @ (415) 334-6550
* Holy Faerie Database: CA and Wolf Creek gatherings and
events. PO Box 426732, SF CA 94142
* RFD, A Country Journal For Gay Men Everywhere: PO Box
68, Liberty TN 37095
* Tel-A-Faerie: Bay Area radical faerie events line. (415)
626-3369
Time is not money. Time is art.
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It takes balls to follow your heart.
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