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Love’s Supreme Desire Tabloid, February/March 2001
Love’s Supreme Desire Tabloid, in publication since 1995, is a free internet-based
more-or-less-monthly publication written by Blue, aka Bluebird. This publication
is enjoyable read by Agnes or Fred in Simpletext. Submissions are welcome.
Feel free to forward the tabloid to any interested parties. For more info,
write bluemoor@earthlink.net or check out the eGroup at http://www.egroups.com/group/LovesSupremeDesireTabloid
Join the new LovesSupremeDesireTabloid eGroup if you want more frequent email
from me and others and a more interractive, space age eGroup (soon to merge
with Yahoo Clubs) environment. All of the Tabloids starting with January
2000 are now posted to the group, as well as other writings, pictures, and
there are currently 37 members. If you decide to join, I’d suggest unsubscribing
from this list to avoid duplicate mailings.
Check out ShowShowFanClub (http://www.egroups.com/group/ShowShowFanClub)
where there are clips and insider indie-video production dish about our comedy
sketch series. We just finished our second 24 minute episode, which will
be online soon. Thanks, Show Show: Eric Dominguez, Jim Jeske, Mark Kliem,
Lars Micha, Blue Moor, Pony, Pete and John
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1/21/2001
I love San Francisco. I’ve heard it rumored that sometimes
people fool around in the last seat of the last car of a BART train but until
yesterday I never found it to be true. I happened to be sitting in this very
spot, minding my own business, when this cute butch black guy sitting across
the aisle from me starts rubbing the front of his pants. I watch as he pulls
out his dick and strokes it hard right in front of me. I go to fantasy island.
What surreal ballsiness, what transcendence! Then some of his friends got
on and he started talking to them. In true San Francisco style, I was the
king of discretion. Whoever you were, thanks for the cheap thrill, hope I
see you again.
God, I love ICU. Have you all tried this yet? This program
allows you to see other people online from all over the world and send them
pictures with text or connect and see streaming video with chat. Beware,
it will soon take up all of your free time until you get carpal tunnel syndrome,
go blind, grow hair on your palms or get over ICU, whichever comes first.
I’ve decided to stop taking my current HIV drugs because
I recently heard very bad news about three of the four I’m taking, and I
had already known bad things about the fourth, like for instance it can suddenly
kill you. I have friends who have been healthy for years on no medication
and are treating their condition in other ways, and I want to start doing
that. On a deep level it just feels more right than popping pills for the
rest of my life. For about eight months now I had been taking my meds three
months on and one month off in order to give my body a rest from the chemicals,
because I heard that this was beneficial. But now I just can’t bring myself
to start up the meds again.
I use a heart-shaped crystal on a wire as a divining tool,
and I ask it yes or no questions on a regular basis. I’ve repeatedly asked
whether it would be in my long-term physical and spiritual benefit to take
up the meds again, and the answer is always no. Today I thought, well I might
as well take the remaining meds, since they’re in my kitchen cabinet sitting
there. When I opened the cabinet and looked at the bottles of pills, I felt
a deep “no” reaction. Now I’m left to wonder about this, about what it means
to not take these drugs for the time being. I’m not saying I will never take
meds, I’m just strongly feeling that I don’t want to take them now, or just
not these meds. Would I take other meds now? Yes, if they really helped.
Am I in some sort of denial about my condition? Am I surrendering to it?
Or am I following a deeper intuition which could be in my long-term spiritual
and physical best interests? Not exactly sure.
What is it that these medicines would give me? A future
free from pain and suffering? A future free of death? No, they give me neither
of these. Maybe they would give me more time on earth, but I’m not even convinced
of that. It feels weird to put it out there like this (in fact I think this
is the main reason why this Tabloid is so late) because I know some people
will be alarmed while others will say good job, stay off the meds. I just
need to see what this is like, to sort of jump into the void once again.
I’m reminded of the vision experience I had back in New
Mexico (see “Global Peace Walk trial” in the files at http://www.egroups.com/group/LovesSupremeDesireTabloid).
In the second part of the vision I am lying on the ground and two guys are
above me, one of whom threatens to spear me in the side unless I choose global
peace and a spiritual path over self. After an internal struggle I chose
death (as I had in the first part of the trial). It’s always felt to me that
the second part of the vision foretold my seroconversion because I was prone
on the ground, the phallic/needle nature of the spear (wielded by a man),
the threat of the breaking of my skin and the implied blood involved.
The third part of my vision involves me being supported
on either side by the two men, leading me in complete darkness (I am blind,
or there is no light, during this part of the vision) towards what I know
to be the edge of a cliff. The more I trust them, the farther the distance
grows between us and the edge of the cliff. Finally, we get to the edge and
I know I must jump. When I jump into the void I hear all these small voices
saying “he did it, he made the right decision.” Then I had a psychedelic
connection with the universe, felt drunk with ecstasy, saw my life flash
before my eyes, and came out a changed man. And so many times since then
when I have trusted in the universe and jumped into the void, I have ended
up nurtured in one way or the other on the other side. And here I find myself
yet again, having to trust in the universe in order to extend myself.
I can relate my vision to you but still I don’t know what
it means, why I experienced this and what I’m supposed to do with it, or
whether the intensity of this vision will ever be matched or bettered in
my current lifetime. I wonder if I’m living up to the spiritual path I intend
to be on, whether I bring good energy into the world or am just another workaday
consumer scurrying about my mundane life. I’m at another one of those spots
where I’m really evaluating my life, where I am, where I want to go with
my future, what kind of impact I have in this world, basically, what are
my ideals and am I living up to them? I am feeling some powerful “change
is in the air” energy lately and it’s all good.
Well just a few days ago I read again
all about how the HIV treatment guidelines have changed and they’re suggesting
that “hit hard, hit early” is not such a good idea because of toxicity, that
people should wait before going on the drugs. I think I’m liable to work
harder on my own health if I don’t have the false sense of security that
the drugs gave me, because it turns out they really aren’t all that benign.
Mind you, I’m just speaking my mind based on what I know, I am not a doctor
or scientist and could very well be a damn fool for all you and I know, so
don’t try this at home unless it turns out years from now that I was right.
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Electricity is a spirit---1/29 1:40 AM Haia Ted Berk
Electricity is a spirit
All crackling leaves and giggling squirrels...
It can shutter down and be
a perfectly harmless sprite
with the exhilarating odor of neon and argon
and jagged ladder to climb
to glimpse the face of a handsome elemental
Haia Ted Berk is a beatnik poet, former member of the band “Citizens for
Interplanetary Activity.” This band made the soundtrack for a film called
“Self-obliteration,” which is scheduled to play in the Nat Taylor Cinema,
North Ross Building, York University, Toronto Canada on Wednesday, March
21-23, Friday March 30, and Sunday April 1, 2001.
Kusama's Self-Obliteration,1967 Dir. Jud Yalkut, 24 min.
A defining figure of American experimental film and video in the 1960s, Jud
Yalkut's film documents several of Kusama's performances, which one critic
has termed the "bluntest and most aggressive aspect of her work."
(from the AGYU web site at http://www.yorku.ca/agyu/calendar.htm) ------------------------------------------------------------------
"The Boy Who Dared Scream At the Stars"---Jokie S. Wilson
The boy who dared scream at the stars
They fought back with fire unheard of
Only to realize he was one of their own
And the fire he absorbed
Grew into a terrible flame
And just when everyone thought
That he would be burnt to dead ash
His heart showed what stars do
With fire and flame
And he grew into a great ball
And everyone who had fed him
Wondered at the state of their anger
That was changed to pure love--
Love love love the time
That was only an illusion in eternity
A concept simply too large to accept
Yet a metaphysical fact impossible to reject
A baby star had now been born
With anger and fear and the light of rage
And the anxiety quickly burned away
Leaving him bright and shining
Hot and tumultuous
Warming revealing growing--
Jokie X Wilson bio info:
I was born in 1965 in Washington DC, realizing over time that I was
really a San Franciscan, and therefore moved quickly to correct the situation.
31 years later, I fixed that, only to realize that being an astroneurophysiological
transfigurationist Radical Faerie meant that snapping Bible Belts and rearranging
gay life through art at the subatomic level would prove to be far more complex
than previously anticipated.
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Upcoming events, internet links and contacts:
Note: longstanding links have been moved to the eGroup at http://www.egroups.com/group/LovesSupremeDesireTabloid.
This space will be for new links and time-sensitive information each month.
Call for entries, Faerie Freedom Film Festival
Announcing the first annual faerie freedom film/video festival in conjunction
with Faerie Freedom Village 2001, San Francisco at the pride parade in late
June.
Now accepting entries of all genres and lengths relating to or created by
self-identified faeries. Please send nonreturnable VHS submissions to Blue
Moor, 250 Taylor st #606, SF CA 94102. If you want your submission to be
returned, please include return postage. For inquiries write bluemoor@earthlink.net.
Anyone interested in helping out with other aspects of the Faerie Freedom
Village 2001, please check out the eGroup at http://www.egroups.com/group/FaerieFreedomVillage2001.
We are looking for interested performers, artists, mystics, and freaks to
create a fabulous happening at this year’s Pride Parade. Please contact me
at bluemoor@earthlink.net if interested. Namaste, Blue