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Love’s Supreme Desire Tabloid, February 2000 (enjoyable read by Agnes
or Fred in Simpletext)
It’s been raining 21 days in a row, OK?
Well, it’s that time of year when it rains like a motherfucker in San
Francisco for weeks on end. My shoes are moldering, the BART trains smell
like mushrooms, everyone is grumpy and damp and over it, or maybe it’s just
me. I can’t wait until it’s lovely San Francisco springtime again, with sunshine
and flowers and guys wandering on the beaches.
Lots has been happening in my life. My sisters aren’t scandalized by
me anymore, or at least we all agreed to stop talking about it. My mom and
I took a whole month apart from each other before we agreed to start talking
again. What brought us all back together relatively quickly was the discovery
that my father has an aggressive form of prostate cancer. My family pulled
together in time of need. We knew he had prostate cancer, but the impression
we got was that it was being kept in check with medications, and that all
was proceeding smoothly. Over Christmas he suffered lower back pain so much
so that he had to roll up in a ball and rock back and forth, moaning. He
had to urinate every fifteen minutes, and was pissing blood. As soon as he
returned to Ohio from visiting family in Oklahoma and Texas, he went into
the hospital, and for a time there we thought he might die any minute.
Longtime readers of the Tabloid know that my father and I have a complicated
past. He was unsupportive when I discovered I was HIV+. I blamed him for
most of my personal problems, resented him for treating us badly. But when
it seemed that he might be dying, all I could think of was that he was in
pain, he was afraid, suffering. Suddenly I didn’t care about all of our old
baggage. It was revealed to me as just that: old, dead baggage that didn’t
matter anymore. My father, the man who brought me into the world, who put
food on our table, kept a roof over our heads, who probably tried his best
and had the best of intentions towards my family, was dying. He has moved
in with my sister Mary in Ohio and his health seems to be improving with
the radiation treatments. Last weekend Mary and my dad went out and had margaritas,
and Mary told him what his doctor hadn’t: that the cancer is very serious
and may kill him. I’m proud to hear that my dad is taking all of this with
a sense of humor, and is being very courageous. It’s easy to live day to
day, oblivious of your own mortality, in auto-pilot at work, paying the bills,
doing your thing. When the truth of your mortality hits you, it changes everything.
He’s in a new world now, a new life, and I hope I have the courage to be
there with him, and the loving wisdom to help him through this transformation.
That was the heavy stuff, now for the fluffy bits
I know this is going to sound flaky but ever since the beginning of
the new year I’ve felt so much energy swirling around, especially creative,
collaborative, positive energy. Things are moving in lots of different directions,
and it feels good. Last weekend I met up with Lars Micha, Jim Jeske, and
Mark Kliem of Lavender Lounge (www.lavenderlounge.com) to film the final
two skits of our first SHOW SHOW half-hour comedy video. We were filming
all day, had a great time doing it and are looking forward to our premiere
at the Faerie Freedom Village benefit at New Meat Campus Theater (220 Jones
Street, SF ) on March 24th. More details about this event are in the “upcoming
events” section of this Tabloid. I hope you can make it.
The week before that was the first meeting of Full Moon Salon, a new
artists’ collaborative/social group envisioned by me and Al Walz. We originally
wanted to call it the New Moon Salon, but I was being a ditz and misread
my calendar. I thought the solid black circle meant, you know, the moon would
be all black, or NEW, when actually it meant that the moon would be FULL.
I kept looking at the sky in the nights proceeding the circle thinking, “gee,
the moon sure looks like it’s getting fuller, not emptier, maybe it’ll suddenly
spring into newness.” I mean I know that’s a stupid thing to think but I
smoke pot and even if I didn’t I would be an airhead. In fact I’m thinking
of doing a drag queen character called Corvette Summer, after the 70’s movie
about corvettes and summer, starring Mark Hamill. She’ll have a Farrah Fawcett
hairdo, wear sequined tube tops and cutoffs, a real white trash diva. She’ll
sing songs by Fleetwood Mac and Captain and Tennile, that sort of thing.
Don’t steal my idea or I’ll dispatch a team of bats to cover your car with
guano. Anyway, I was worried that the first meeting of Full Moon would be
a dud, you know how that is, you get your hopes all up, scrape a layer of
filth off the floor, buy lots of booze and Cheese-Whiz, but then nobody shows
up and you end up with your head in the toilet. The party ended up being
a blast, though, like twelve local artists showed up and we had such a good
time scheming about future projects, sharing our art, gabbing, listening
to music, having a good time. Our next meeting will be on Saturday, March
18th at the home of Howard, who is working on another artists’ collaborative
effort which he calls San Francisco Conceptual Artists. More details about
the combined Full Moon Salon and SF Conceptual Artists meeting follow in
the “upcoming events” section. Hope you can make it.
Back on January 27th I went to Eighth Note Record’s (www.eighthnoterecords.com)
triple record release party at Slim’s, South of Market, SF. In my opinion
the highlight of the evening was the performance by Garrin Benfield, who
has been a friend of mine since we worked together on productions for the
John Body Players several years back. It was wonderful being in the audience
watching Garrin make his star turn. I mean, it really felt like that. He
ruled the stage, rocked the house with his soulful guitar and sultry voice,
oozing charisma. Flashbulbs pulsed from the audience. I mean yeah, maybe
I’m a little biased because Garrin is someone who I like personally, though
we don’t hang out much, but even if I were a total stranger walking in the
door of Slim’s that night I would say “this boy’s going places.” He has so
much talent, and his career seems to really be taking off. Check out his
music! His web page is: www.garrin.com.
My friend Haia also performed at the Eighth Note party, as part of
Garrin’s band. Haia has been published here many times in the past, I wish
I could pay him some money, but even when I’ve offered he’s said that he’d
rather not be paid for his writing. Haia is a wonderful person, truly part
of my family. I don’t even want to think of Haia passing on, but he is in
his sixties and his joints are degenerating and he is in pain. Still he keeps
on trucking, keeps on living his faerie life, now working on a collection
of collage and written word. The following poem was read at Slim’s on January
27th, and very warmly received by the audience.
Millennium and the Elves---dedicated to Garrin Benfield and Josh Smith
Heart keep on pumpin’
another billion or so seconds...
in the bushes on the gigantic lawn
by the tiny roses
a bro sleeps all covered up
in a pink blanket...
millennium they say... a millipede has a thousand legs (I do too, but they’re
tucked into my 12th dimensional cocoon
out of sight of the easily frightened
but them elves can see them,
and the dew-rich grass can see them
and the grass asks me
what do i see for the next thousand years,
and eye tell nature’s listener
that time and space don’t care
who you make love with
and that all of us creatures will make
a stupendous breakthru into a place
where there are no secrets!
and where there ain’t never been no secrets
and that we can hear
the cosmos music thru our hair
and thru our toes,
and thru our fingertips...
and did anyone ever really believe
that you couldn’t!
or that even if the earth opened
to swallow us all up...
that while you were spinning
around the fire and mud,
we just might have a hilarious conversation with a salamander,
or a long-ago collided Mars rock
and hey Earth person,
how about breaking the cookie in two and sharing it!
It does hurt.
Sometimes it hurts real bad!
But as I sit on the stone writing,
a warm sun thing
crawls into my head
and goes asleep
It’s time to wake up, Haia!
Those dreams can no more scare you than can they scare a slab of iron
It’s... all... still... real... purty!
---Haia Ted Berke
San Francisco, Kali-fornia
27 December 1999
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Upcoming events, internet links and contacts:
Benefits for Faerie Freedom Village hangout space at SF Pride Parade 2000:
LUCKY CHARMS: Friday, March 17th featuring the usual diversions at
455 14th street, SF. Potluck, green food encouraged, 9-2 AM. Suggested donation
$10-20
SLEAZY SOULS at Terrance Alan’s New Meat Campus Theater, 220 Jones
Street, SF Friday March 24th, hours TBD, featuring cabaret/drag show, strippers,
black light body painting, the fabulous Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence,
and the public premiere of new SHOW SHOW comedy material (starring Blue AKA
Clear Blue Easy, Jim Jeske, Lars Micha and others).
T.A.Z is a temporary autonomous zone ; a forum where artists gather
to generate ideas and pool insights for the good of the collective. T.A.Z
is not an organization or entity; it is a concept, and idea configured to
help generate creative expression giving rise to lucrative spin-off projects.
T.A.Z is a think tank of sorts with active agency in the local art community;
more a verb than a noun. People from different walks of life sharing ideas
and insights. Monthly meetings will be approximately 3 hours in duration;
after closing ritual attendees are free to engage in independent discourse.
The next gathering of the SF Conceptual Artists will be held March
18th, SATURDAY @ 7 pm at the home of Hitirus [aka Howard] on 15th Street
@ Folsom (please call for directions). This month’s topic will be Art &
Transformation; subtopics include uses of paradox, taboo, dark catharsis
& juxtaposition of symbol in contemporary art forms. Attendees will be
asked to bring examples of art that seeks to transform consciousness in addition
to its aesthetic value. Also, suggested as in keeping with last month’s meeting
(of the Full Moon Salon, a new artists’ collaborative and social group) will
be opportunities for artists to share and show projects that they are currently
working on. RSVP if you plan on attending the March 18th discussion; also
what you might like to bring for the potluck meal (vegetarian preferred).
H 415-551-2396
For information about the Summer 2000 gathering at Wolf Creek, OR check out
this link: http://www.IamMagic.com/Gathering2000.html
Saturday Night Drag show at Aunt Charlie’s, 133 Turk st, SF. Fabulous, fun,
down-home inner city drag show hostessed every Saturday night at 10 and 12
by Miss Gypsy Callabresie, with regular appearances by the spectacular Vickie
Marlane, “the $2 Million Lady” Miss Gina, Grizzella Presley, Daphne Divine,
Miss Mona Lott, Miss Noczema Jackson, Reality and others.
Shalimar Restaurant, 532 Jones Street, San Francisco: good, cheap Indian
food! Bland flourescent light/beige interior but tasty food, good indian
music, crazy inner-city chaotic energy (“How do I order? Where do I
sit?”), lots of cute indian guys.
Suggest a link: What do you think would be of interest to the other readers
of Love’s Supreme Desire Tabloid? Drop me a line with a brief description
including URL, of course.
If you’d like to submit information about an upcoming event, please
email plain text, upper and lower case, with as few artificial paragraphs
as possible. Make sure to carefully edit your text, as I am too goddamned
lazy and shiftless to do it myself