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Subject: January 1997 LSD Tabloid
From: bloobird@sirius.com (bloobird)
Hey y'all, Happy New Year! God, am I glad 1996 is OVER! What a year. I don't
want to go into it, but too damn much everything. From now on I'm taking life
slower and more real. Creativity, spirituality, sensuality, and relationships
are where it's at for me. I hope you find whatever your truth is and you don't
have to get hit by a truck to find it. Love conquers all. Your friend, bluebird
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LSD Tabloid
Schmoozemagazine of the Love's Supreme Desire collective, No. 1, vol. 2
January 1997
Tel-A-Fool events & info line /Fax: 415-333-9549, E-mail: bloobird@sirius.com
This is LSD Tabloid, the monthly callboard and events newsletter of the
Radical Faerie and Friends' creative/ healing spirit collective, Love's Supreme
Desire. Next tabloid deadline is February 1.
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A little rage is a good thing, you don't have to smile all the time to be
New Age.
Today I was at work at my shitty day job, when it suddenly struck me that
I don't express my rage properly. I have been afraid of expressing my rage
all of these years, trying to be the best little boy in the world, and so
I have turned it on myself. Instead of expressing my rage in ways that are
constructive, as in art, political action, positive spiritual work, whatever,
I have allowed all of this rage, this pain, this anger, to fester and clot
inside me, polluting my brain, poisoning my relationships, and blocking my
creativity. Instead of honestly expressing my rage, I have tried to be all
nice and New-Agey and shine it over and smile with the passive aggressive
blandness of Yanni, when what I have really wanted to do was scream at the
top of my lungs about how sick I am with the way things are these days. Yesterday
I passed a man at the BART station screaming, ranting, at the top of his lungs,
and he reminded me of that character Howard Beale in the fantastic 1976 MGM/UA
film "Network" who ranted over the airwaves, "I'm mad as hell and I'm not
going to take it anymore!" The man mesmerized me because he didn't look crazy,
looked middle-class even, but he was going off! I wanted to sit there and
listen to him but of course had to shuffle meekly off to my pathetic day
job. Later that day, I wondered if I were the crazy one.
Why am I so angry? What is it that I have been allowing to fester and boil
all of these years? I am angry that the world is completely ruled by a market
mentality, first and foremost. The market mentality is so pervasive, that
we can hardly imagine life any other way. But think of it! The world is slowly
suffocating in our discarded useless mountains of debris, toxic waste and
weaponry, yet nobody is encouraged to stop reproducing, to stop buying things,
to CHANGE THEIR LIVES in ways that will begin to seriously address the problems.
Life forms go extinct each and every day, life forms that add diversity, beauty
and consciousness to the world, go extinct so that somebody who already has
tons of money can have tons more. Meanwhile, people sleep, eat and die right
in front of our faces on the streets each day. We walk over them as we hurry
to our jobs, confident that a similar fate will never befall us, but in the
back of our minds we know that in the world as it is today, once you fall
of that corporate ladder, once you get an expensive illness, once your house
burns down, you could be out on that street in a flash, and God save you
then because the people in power sure as hell do not give a damn about it.
They are too busy collecting money from the multinational corporations to
care about we little people. What of governments? What of religion? What of
art? What of simple happiness? These have all been corrupted by the need to
maximize capital.
Do I sound like one of those people ranting on the street? I apologize.
I say these things with love and nonviolence in my heart, but with a sense
of indignation because I am simply tired of the way things are in this world,
with all of the hubris and mercantilism and sheer crap and hypocrisy in the
highest of places, it makes me so angry to watch the local news and see cute
fuzzy stories about somebody's hairdo or the latest football score while millions
die in misery and loneliness far from the cameras because stories like that
aren't entertaining.
Burn, baby, burn, that ego away; stop being such a Goddamn whiner! And check
it out, Love Conquers All.
This is pretty much verbatim from a recent journal entry: "Wow, this has
been one of the most intense periods of my life in ways mostly good. I'm so
much less fearful than I used to be. So much more at peace within myself.
I'm so much more in love with life, and beginning to really feel like an artist
and really live like an artist, I mean in my heart. No more battering myself
against walls of my own construction. Now that I have the virus, all of the
old bullshit and baggage I used to obsess over; family, career, self-image,
has just disappeared. The past is still there, but just an echo of what it
once was. It no longer controls my present because my new challenge is so
much greater than the old ones, and so much more interesting than the old
challenges. So far, the home stretch of my life is more interesting than all
of the previous parts. Certainly more interesting than the damp, clumsy, clingy
baby years, the pimply, shitty, repressed teenage years, the manic-depressive,
fucked-up sexual confusion of the college years, and certainly more interesting
than the dreadful free-fall angst and loneliness of the post-college years.
The old obsessions that used to haunt me simply are too small to enslave me
anymore because I am now living for my happiness, for my truth, in love with
possibility and eager for spiritual wisdom. I see a new future in front of
me: writer, healer, shaman, sacred fool, with nothing left to lose but a
hell of a lot to gain, like self-respect, enlightenment, peace, love, wisdom,
and sense of purpose. Up to now, my thinking was, 'I have no sense of purpose.
I'm not interested in money, I'm not into selling my soul for any career,
so what the hell am I doing here? Where do I fit in?' Now I know my purpose
is to help people to accept the reality of physical death and to not be afraid.
To let people know that death is not an enemy. It is not even the end of life.
It is rebirth."
Sure, even though I'm HIV positive, it sounds like all is cotton candy and
lollipops for me now; but last week I experienced something akin to a nervous
breakdown. Not really a full-fledged nervous breakdown, where I'm throwing
knives, bricks, pizzas, and the kitchen sink at the mailman, but a little
baby nervous breakdown, I'm sure. I was at work and I just couldn't concentrate
at all. I mean, I was so "in my head" that I for example opened up a can of
pineapples and dumped them directly into the trash can, right in front of
my boss. Two people asked me if I was alright before I sat down and really
thought about myself and the energy I was putting out. I guess the fact is
that once the holidays ended, a lot of the fear I had been suppressing came
out of the closet and kicked me in the ass. The good news is that it kicked
me so hard that some of my long-term depression issues have been eclipsed,
and a new healing has entered my life. I know 1997 will be a fantastic year
for me and for everyone else.
Projects, Plugs, & Cool Stuff Upcoming
The listings below were proposed by people like yourself who wish to do
creative/healing spiritual work with others. You are warmly invited to participate
either by proposing your own project (for free) or taking part in someone
else's. Contact me at 415-333-9549 or bloobird@sirius.com and I will be happy
to help spread the word of your idea in the LSD Tabloid. Next deadline Feb.
1. All I ask is that you help print/distribute copies of the tabloid within
your means and time constraints.
* Gaia Mind, Global Meditation and Prayer: January 23, 1997, a day on which
people all over the world may come together to participate in an intentional
expression of the emergent unified planetary consciousness, to affirm we are
all one. We invite you to participate in this experiment in collective intention
and share a moment of meditation and prayer for the healing transformation
of earth. For more info see www.gaiamind.com.
* Nice Massage, Nice Guy: My friend Heron does acoustic massage, positioning-based
bodywork, energetics, aura work, swedish massage, and is also a nice guy.
He didn't ask me to write this, but he gave me an acoustic massage a few weeks
ago and I really dug it. It's cymbals and bells softly played above one's
body, causing vibrations of wonderful healing varieties to give healing pleasure.
I don't know what his rates are. Call him at 415 863-2180 or pager 415-303-4514.
The studio is at 18th st/Dolores. Do yourself a favor; it feels really good.
* Tel-A-Fool: Sponsored by the Love's Supreme Desire collective, Tel-A-Fool
(415-333-9549) complements Tel-A-Faerie (415-626-3369), which lists Bay Area
radical faerie general information. Tel-a-Fool lists Bay Area radical faerie
and friends arts and creative/healing spirit events and is a free service.
If you want a radical faerie and friends presence at your event, call Tel-A-Fool
at least one week in advance. Outgoing events message will be updated each
Wednesday morning, as long as there is new information to add. Interest has
been lagging in this service, or perhaps we haven't gotten the word out enough
about it, so give it a try. Did I say it's free?
* Primordial Tricksters: Originally conceived of as a group for the artistic
and spiritually-inclined person looking for a completely free space for experimentation
in all of its manifestations, somewhere to unify spiritual, physical and creative
impulses into a powerful distillation through play and ritual, the Primordial
Tricksters is now focusing our energies on healing all within the group emotionally,
spiritually, and physically. We believe that all people have the power to
heal one another, and we will be discovering ways to do this through massage,
visualization, and whatever else we discover along the way. Anyone is welcome
to join or drop in for a session, particularly those with chronic physical
or emotional situations, especially those who believe that they are capable
of healing others as they heal themselves. There is only limited space, so
please call for information about our next monthly circle in Oakland. Clothing
optional, primarily gay male, free-of-charge. Bloobird @ 415-333-9549
* Queer Heat: Calling all sex-positive queer pagan spirits in male human
bodies. You are invited to participate in "Queer Heat" on Saturday, February
22, 1997 from 8 pm to 12 am at 848 Community Space (848 Divisadero in San
Francisco). Attendance is limited to thirty-five men, and a donation of $10
each is requested to cover space rental, purchase of supplies and miscellaneous
expenses. However, no one will be turned away for lack of funds. Some of the
activities that may be included in this event are body painting, rhythm &
movement play, invocation of animal spirits, guided visualization, intentional
touch, erotic exploration and tribal tantra. Our intention in presenting
this event is to weave sacred space and provide minimal structure for the
creation of queer pagan sex ritual. The focus of the energy raised and our
intention for coming together (eg. self healing, planetary healing, building
erotic community, sacred sex play, etc.) would be addressed in an opening
"heart circle" where participants could express concerns, expectations, desires,
etc. as well as co-create and consecrate a container for the activities to
follow. We are looking for volunteers to assist with music (live and/or recorded),
ambient design and set-up, acquisition/purchase of safe-sex materials &
light refreshments, clean-up and ritual design and construction. For more
information call Billium at 510-839-8747 or Scott at 510-531-4982.
Resources
* Faerie discussion group: Send message "subscribe faerie"
to Majordomo@QueerNet.ORG
* Gay Spirit: Powerful queer male drumming circle, monthly.
Contact Roland @ (415) 334-6550
* Holy Faerie Database: CA and Wolf Creek gatherings and
events. PO Box 426732, SF CA 94142
* NOMENUS: PO Box 312 Wolf Creek, OR 97497 (503) 866-2678
* RFD, A Country Journal For Gay Men Everywhere: PO Box
68, Liberty TN 37095
* Tel-A-Faerie: Bay Area radical faerie events line. (415)
626-3369
Time is not money. Time is art.
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I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that
brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass
over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye
to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will
remain 'Dune' by Frank Herbert (copyright 1965).