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Love’s Supreme Desire Tabloid, December 1999 (enjoyable read by Agnes
or Fred in Simpletext)
Christmas is like two days away and all I can think about is fish flakes
I don’t know why I just wrote that, but it’s funny, right?
I hope it’s funny, because I haven’t thought about fish flakes since this
morning when I fed my fishies and fish flakes are not anywhere near the top
of my mind, which would make me a liar. OK, so I’m a liar.
This morning I finally mailed all of my family Christmas
cards out. I couldn’t bring myself to buy presents for anyone this year,
I just sent money. I don’t know why, I just couldn’t bear the thought of
schlepping out from store to store trying to find “just the perfect thing.”
How am I supposed to know what the perfect thing is? Don’t they know better?
Maybe the perfect thing, at the time that they cash my check, would be a
40 ounce of beer, a pack of cigarettes, a $3 blow job. And you can’t get
a $3 blow job at COSTCO, unless you know something I don’t. There I go again
talking dirty and making scandalous jokes. Oh, please don’t ask me to be
nice. I’m nice all day at my job, this is where I get to let it rip. Lectures
will not be tolerated.
So anyway, I didn’t write the Tabloid last month because
I decided to take some time off, and a lot has been happening. I went to
the Great Circle, which is the yearly meeting of Nomenus, the group of faeries
who oversee the Radical Faerie Sanctuary at Wolf Creek, Oregon. Some of you
are out there going “what, huh?” I don’t talk about the faeries much, I don’t
know why except it must be because if you know the faeries, you know what
I’m talking about, and if you don’t, you don’t. Many of you on my mailing
list are faeries, and many of you are not, and I see this as a good thing,
but not to the extent that I talk about my “straight” life (if I could ever
be said to have such a thing) and not my real life, or rather not my WHOLE
life.
I won’t go into an explanation of the faeries except to
give my own explanation, which is that faeries are loosely-based pagan queers
in search of a good time. Faeries are generally of good intent and mostly
seek to harm none, unless someone gets in their way or wears beige on any
day of the week between Monday and Sunday. It’s even OK to wear beige among
faeries, as long as there are rhinestones or sequins involved, or at the
very least a glitter applique.
What do I mean by “loosely-based pagan?” faeries are earth-worshipping
mother nature-loving types, which we could use a few more of these days.
Earth-based religions have been around forever, and are not related to Satanism
or black magick in any way, except to the extent that individuals may wish
to dabble in such (noxious) things.
What do I mean by “queers?” Oh, now there’s a can of worms.
Some people say “Only men can be Radical Faeries, because that’s what Harry
Hay said, and he founded the faeries, and furthermore, blah blah blah!” Nothing
against Harry, but I’m not a separatist. I don’t think only gay men can be
faeries. I don’t even think that only gay people can be faeries, but for
all intents and purposes mostly only gay men hang out with the faeries right
now anyway, so what’s the use in saying who can and who cannot be a faerie?
I don’t see many straight football jocks beating down the doors of Wolf Creek
(though I’d welcome a few over at my place), so who cares? More or less,
at this point in time, faeries are gay men, though this is evolving over
time. Note I’m not saying “it’s a good thing it’s evolving.” I’m just saying
it’s evolving.
What do I mean by “in search of a good time?” Faeries
like to frolic and play, they like to have sex, they like to partake of the
sacrament, they like to make beauty and sparkle and laughter and joy, but
not in an annoying way. I mean we’re not talking about “Peter Pan on Ice,”
starring Kathy Rigby. Is her show on ice? If it’s not, it ought to be. All
horrible shows should be performed on ice, just to punish the performers.
We’re going to see “Cabaret” on Monday. Hopefully there will never be a “Cabaret
on Ice.”
What else do I mean by “in search of a good time?” I mean
that in a holistic sense. Faeries are very much about being who and where
they need to be to be happy, to share happiness with others, to have a good
time. What’s so wrong about that? Nothing. It’s good to be happy, to have
fun, to the extent that it doesn’t harsh anyone else’s buzz. It’s even OK
to harsh someone else’s buzz, as long as you send them at least thirty yards
of taffeta via FEDEX to arrive the very next morning. “But doesn’t too much
fun and happiness wreck your life?” Oh God, yeah, we in the faerie community
know perfectly well how excessive abuse of this, that or the other can land
you in the $3 blow job factory on Market Street where the floor is cold and
the light flickers on and off. I don’t know many of us who would consider
this end to be the land of happiness but alas, some of us must pull the occasional
shift in the $3 blow job factory (what would such a corporation be called?
How about “Fellati-co!”) before we traverse into the land of prosperity,
stability, delicious boyfriends by the score who hug you and talk to you
and make you squeal, apartments with bathrooms, plenty of pot to smoke (but
not so much that we get permanently sleepy and retarded), food to eat, clothes
to wear, the usual stuff that most people want. Yes, we’ve had occasion to
see our friends travel down twisted cracked snarled paths, but then so have
other groups. We’ve all seen people try to find happiness and end up in a
nightmare, and we’ve seen some come out on the other side. But where the
hell am I going with this tangent?
Oh yes, I was trying to counteract any naysayers out there
saying “nay, ye cannot have fun because you’re supposed to toil and strive
and sit quietly and don’t you know all those fun things are bad and dirty
and will only give you an unattractive itchy pimple on your buttocks, or
worse, may very well lead to your grisly, gooey demise by hideous super death
virus 2000.” Yeah yeah, we all die someday. Where’d we put everyone if we
all just kept on living, stinking up the place? The idea is not to live forever,
but to fully live. Oh God, shoot me, I didn’t just say that.
Anyway, what the hell was my point? Oh, hanging with the
faeries at the Great Circle. I decided to be on the Coordinating Committee
for the Summer Gathering at Wolf Creek, which is fun, exciting, and scary,
because I want the Gathering to be fantastic. The big theme we have going
so far is art in all of its forms, because faeries are creative and beautiful
people and creativity and beauty is at the very heart of the living universe.
I mean, look around you? Virtually every natural creation is beautiful, and
creative beauty is the essence of life, or something like that, you know
what I mean. Nature is in a constant state of creation, and all of the creations
are beautiful, so the reason we want to focus on art is to recognize the
power that is in the creation of beauty, because it is the power at the heart
of the Universe.
What I did for Christmas Eve 1999
Well last night I went out and had a beer or two at Hole
in the Wall with my friend ScooterPie. We talked about the gathering and
different things that could happen and how powerful we have found loving
faerie magick in our own personal lives. For instance, I did a ritual to
help find an apartment and move on with my life after my breakup with Elroy.
I was going through so much emotional distress over the ugly breakup, the
loss of an important friendship/relationship perhaps forever, the sudden
near-homelessness, and I was feeling angry that this spiritual test was so
hard and so scary. I felt unable to move on into the future and establish
myself in my new life because I was so emotionally attached to the recent
past, and so afraid of the future. I felt guilty for hurting Elroy, afraid
that I had made the wrong decision, unsure of even where I was going to be
living the next day. Can you see why I was freaking out in the Tabloid during
the fall of last year and into the early spring? Heavy goddamn testing phase,
and I was over it. I wanted to find a place to live and be able to settle
down and start a happy new life. I decided to take some acid in a spiritual,
prayerful state of mind, and I sat down at my laptop (“Lap... top? Laptop?”---Bubble,
Absolutely Fabulous) and I just spilled my guts out into that computer and
sobbed and walked around the city and from that day on things were on an
upswing. I wrote all of my dreams for my new life, our new home, my new relationship
(and in short order, my new job) out on a piece of paper with loving intent,
offering up my life to the spiritual path, but very much in bitchy request
of a goddamned place to throw my knickknacks. I lit candles, then burned
the letter (this is my favorite bit of magick, which I learned from my mom
when she would burn letters and other painful memorabilia from recent crisis.
I grew up seeing this as a form of prayer, perhaps because I’ve always liked
fire---smelling the smoke, feeding the flames, watching them dance). Shortly
after this magick I moved into my friend Lynne’s house, then quickly we found
our new apartment, At the time i saw this as a clear example of the benevolent
nature of the universe in full manifestation mode.
Anyway, Scooter told a story of a time he was at a Faerie
Gathering and there was a mosquito infestation which became intolerable (was
this in Wisconsin?). The faeries did a ritual, specifically a sex magick
ritual, and within hours the mosquitoes left them alone. People remarked
their relief but didn’t fully acknowledge the manifestation when it happened,
they sort of denied it because of growing up in such a linear, rational world
view. Yet there was the evidence before them. So Scooter and I talked about
how much we want to do focused group ritual at the gathering in whatever
ritual form(s) we may decide, to focus our manifestation powers to... what?
World Peace? An end to homelessness? Cleaner shitters? Whatever we decide,
which I assume will be a magnanimous goal of interstellar significance (let’s
not ask for better drag, unless it’s an emergency), we should do our ritual
in full intent at loving manifestation for the good of the whole universe,
and we should observe signs of manifestation and recognize those manifestations
when they happen and do more ritual in thankfulness (to whom? God, Great
Spirit? Mother Earth? It’s all the same...) of answered prayers, so to speak.
On to things of a similar level of cosmic significance
and only slightly less import, Scooter also suggested a drag race. You know
what a drag race is? Contestants are handed lengths of fabric, a safety pin
or two, a tiara or some such bauble, and compelled to create a fantastic
evening gown within a predetermined relatively brief period of time. Each
drag race team gets to select a nubile young model, who must remain frisky,
luscious and naked at all times except when absolutely necessary for purposes
of modeling the clothing under consideration. Scooter said it was one of
the funniest, but also the most inspiring, things he’s ever seen. Doesn’t
that sound like fun? Shouldn’t we do a drag race?
The next meeting of the Summer Gathering coordinating
meeting will be at The House of Love (my place), 250 Taylor Street at Ellis,
apt 606 (scroll on the front door keypad to Blue and Owen) Friday January
21, 7 PM. We could use input about the scheduling, at this point. How does
this sound: The 21st Gathering of Radical Faeries August 13-20, 2000. Should
the gathering be longer than one week? Should it overlap slightly with the
gathering at Breitenbush? What do you think? Why? Be specific, email me and
we’ll be able to use what we hear to better represent other faeries in the
coordinating committee meetings.
What a tangent I got into there. Anyway, Scooter and I
had some beers, yacked a lot and then I came home and went to bed. Got up
3:30 AM for work, dragged my ass to work, though I had gotten enough sleep.
It’s my second day actually opening up the store in morning with my own key,
running the shift, doing the banking and the ordering of supplies. I actually
like it, despite the early hours. I won’t work at Starbucks forever but it’s
good for me right now. Business is dead, dead, dead. We stand around and
gossip, eating pastries and drinking mochas all day long. Christmas music
is playing, everyone’s in a good mood. It’s Friday, we just got paid. We
just got tips. The store is closing early. It’s Christmas eve! Next week
is the year 2000! I’m in such a good mood for some reason that I’m singing
all day. I’ve decided this is a much more socially acceptable eccentricity
than my formal habit of screaming obscenities at the top of my lungs. People
seem to respond better. Perhaps research has been done on the subject.
According to company directives, all the Christmas merchandising
crap must come down by December 26th. I get to take home a nice length of
pine garland and a tray of marked-out cranberry bliss bars. Life is good.
I go home and crash for several hours. I check my
email and my friend D, who I’ve played with, is inviting me to a cocktail
party at his place with his boyfriend T, a warm intelligent man who works
for the National Park Service talking about the parks to the public. They
live in a nice part of town near sPecific wHites (Pacific Heights). Two of
his friends are there, lovers, one of whom I’ve played with. He likes to
sing, has sparkly eyes, smiles and laughs a lot and has big dimples.
He’s dark-haired, smart, hairy, funny. He’s moving back to Israel on January
5th and I’ll miss him, though we’ve only just met. His boyfriend is cool
but they left early.
My friend D and I decide to go grab a beer at the local
fag watering hole, The Lions Pub or something like that, a track-lighting
joint with flowers, stone walls and a fireplace. We talked about pretty much
everything of any personal significance, then we walked back to his place.
I call my friend Haia at 10:00 because he lives sort-of nearby and he’s fun
to hang out with. We gossip about everything we know for hours while watching
a Christmas special on people who were over 100 years old and their experiences
of Christmas. “It’s actually a quite touching show.” we remarked while stuffing
our faces with feta cheese, walnut bread, Italian sausage, champagne, chocolate
covered cherries, caramel ice cream, and so on and so forth. I finally decided
to allow Haia to go to sleep around 12:30, then left and decided to walk
up tot he Haight and see what the energy was on Christmas eve. It was a ghost
town. People stay home and have parties on Christmas Eve. I couldn’t believe
how dead San Francisco was today. But we’ll be jumpin’ next weekend! I walk
home I enjoy the lights, look in people’s window at their parties until they
get nervous and close the curtains, daydream about how much fun I had hanging
out with my friends on Christmas eve, and how much I love San Francisco.
I’ m waiting for the bus when some drunk guy comes up
and asks me how long I’ve been waiting for the bus. He comes across not so
much as a person who drinks too much but as a person who’s out on a Friday
night on Christmas eve, kicking up his heels a bit. We hit it off right away.
He says it’s his birthday and how he was drag-ass tired but had to wait for
the bus and he wasn’t sure which one, then he asked me if I had like $2.
He was cool and it was Christmas so I said what the hell. Then we discovered
we were heading to the same area, and we took a cab back to the tenderloin,
chatting with the cabbie all they way about global warming, the possibility
of terrorist attack on New Year’s eve, winters in Washington. I come home
and feed my fish, then radio is playing twenty-four hours of Christmas music,
which I’m still listening to now. The tree is turned on. Tomorrow I”'ll be
hanging with more friends, Sunday I’m seeing “The Shining” by Stanley Kubrick
with Jim and Lars, then more holiday partying with friends. Damn, it’s suddenly
turned into a wonderful Christmas this year. Happy Holidays!
:) :)
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Movies you oughta see (ratings on a scale from 1 to 4 exclamation points)
Eh, I really liked Toy Story 2. Is that so wrong? The
animation was fantastic and the story and characters were right-on. For a
“kid’s” movie, it was pretty good. Made me change my mind again and think
about studying 3D Arts at SF State in the fall instead of the more general
Digital Design and Production. I think 3D computer animation would be fun,
interesting, and well-paid. What’s not to like? I also saw a Japanese animated
film called Princess Mononoke, which was amazing, a truly epic story of man
vs. nature.
:) :)
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Upcoming events, internet links and contacts:
*Past issues of The Love’s Supreme Desire Tabloid as well
as other Radical Faerie publications can be found at http://www.eskimo.com/~davidk/faeries/pubs.htm/
* Play the XXX Christmas game that’s as classy as a pearl
necklace: http://www.dirtymind.com/games/cumon1/game.html.
* Queer Arts Resource is a not-for-profit educational
forum for the display and discussion of queer art and culture. Until the
recent advent of Queer Studies, the History of Art has omitted most material
of direct relevance to lesbians and gays. Much has been suppressed, much
has been lost due to neglect or censorship, and a great deal has simply been
overlooked. QAR is expanding the range and depth of knowledge about contemporary
and historical queer art, and making this information freely available on
our web site.
We realize that artistic identity is molded by myriad
factors, an amalgam of gender, racial, ethnic and sexual, to name a few.
But we also know that honest artistic expression by the queer community plays
a role in combating homophobia and advancing the principles of intellectual
integrity. http://www.queer-arts.org/gallery/gallery.html. Submitted by Paul
Stewart, SF
* The artist Paul Cadmus: http://www.queer-arts.org/cadmus/cadmus.html.
Submitted by Paul Stewart, SF
* Donate food for free at: http://www.thehungersite.com/index.html
*iTheo.com Announces a Grant Opportunity for Emerging
Visual
Artists Painters, Photographers, Ceramicists, Glass Artists & others
AWARD: $3,000 in each medium and featured on our home page
For More Information: http://www.itheo.com/welcome
iTheo.com is the first online marketplace dedicated to
the
needs of independent and emerging visual artists. Artists
will be able to promote, market and sell their work to a
world of new collectors, without the barriers of gallery
walls. iTheo.com will be launching early in the New Year.
http://www.itheo.com/welcome QUESTIONS: artists@itheo.com. Submitted by Tomji,
SF
* Gallery of regrettable food: http://www.lileks.com/institute/gallery/.
Submitted by Tomji, SF
Suggest a link: What do you think would be of interest to the other readers
of Love’s Supreme Desire Tabloid? Drop me a line with a brief description
including URL, of course.
If you’d like to submit information about an upcoming
event, please email plain text, upper and lower case, with as few artificial
paragraphs as possible. Make sure to carefully edit your text, as I am too
goddamned lazy and shiftless to do it myself