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* From: bloobird@sirius.com (bloobird)
* Subject: here's your LSD, mrs. robinson (that's Love's
Supreme Desire)
Hey everybody, here's the December LSD Tabloid. I won't preface it too much
because it's all in there. Thank you to Flemming Funch and the New Civilizations
Network as well as the Faerie discussion group for showing such an interest
in the LSD Tabloid and for all the warm expressions of support and kindness.
"You like me. You really, really like me." I will respond to all of your truly
nice messages within the next few days or so. Some of you said you only wanted
a sample schmoozemagazine, and some of you said you wanted to subscribe,
but I went ahead and added you all to my subscriber's list. I hope you don't
mind, but it's easier than sending individual samples, so if you don't want
to keep on getting the LSD Tabloid monthly, just say so, no hard feelings
(WAAAAAAH!). And some of you just responded to my post and didn't really
say whether you wanted to read the schmoozemagazine, but I thought I'd put
you on the subscriber's list too and ask you to let me know if you don't
want it (otherwise, you'll also receive monthly issues). I hope that wasn't
rude, but there were so many responses that I...JUST... didn't....KNOW....WHAT...to...DO!
I'd suggest checking out a few issues before you decide, unless it gives you
heaving fits, to see if they grow on you. So, welcome to all the new readers
(there are lots of them). Feel free to forward this to anybody you want to,
and have a fabulous day. Go outside and play. Peace, Blue PS, this is an
interactive schmoozemagazine, and I look forward to hearing your comments,
questions, any kind of input or insight whatsoever at any time. I'm a pretty
friendly guy, and love to have virtual friends out there in space, so don't
be such a stranger.
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LSD Tabloid
Schmoozemagazine of the artist's collective, Love's Supreme Desire No. 12,
December 1996
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Tel-A-Fool events & info line /Fax: 415-333-9549, E-mail: bloobird@sirius.com
This is LSD Tabloid, the monthly callboard and events newsletter of the
Radical Faerie and Friends' creative/ healing spirit network, Love's Supreme
Desire. We are an inclusive group of artists striving towards a rainbow community
of personal, artistic and spiritual growth for the good of all. We welcome
your proposals for new projects and your involvement in the projects already
proposed.
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The Universe is a kooky place, you never know what'll pop up, and adventures
in mortality.
Hey y'all. Sorry, there was no November LSD Tabloid. You internet subscribers
already know this, but you who get your little LSD Tabloid in the mail each
month may have been confused about "where the hell is my LSD Tabloid?"
Where should I start? I guess I don't need to write that, but I'm from the
free-flowing, conversational style of writing (I guess because I'm an actor),
so I write all kinds of asides into my monologues.
A funny thing happened to me almost two years ago, which I haven't shared
with you dear readers because it seemed a little self-indulgent. Or, to be
honest, maybe I was afraid you would think I was nuts, which I am, or maybe
I was too proud to put myself out on that line. But things have changed, and
I have learned (or at least I now believe) that the strange experience I
had in a Native American sweat lodge in New Mexico has a direct bearing on
a recent mega-huge event which transpired in my life. This recent event, though
devastating on a superficial level, has transformed and empowered my life,
and has given me a sense of mission. So now it seems important to share this
experience with as many out there who care to listen, even though I still
don't know what the hell it's all about, at least not completely. Maybe it
will mean something to you. For you hard-core cynics out there, this will
sound like cheesy hippy New Age claptrap, but what can I say? All I know
is this really happened to me, and there are worse things than being called
a cheesy New Age hippy. The word "Republican" springs to mind.
Profoundly alienated by modern Western civilization, social darwinism, capitalism
and the OJ Simpson trial, I decided to walk with the Global Peace Walk 1995
from Taos, New Mexico to San Francisco, where I live. The purpose of the walk
was to acknowledge the 50th anniversary of the United Nations and to make
a powerful prayer offering for a more peaceful and just world. Many people
walked from New York City all the way to San Francisco, sleeping on gymnasium
floors or out under the stars, dumpster-diving for food during the lean times,
walking in rain, cold, you get the picture. Fortunately, the experience on
balance was super-fabulous and all of the "hard" times were more than overwhelmed
by the joyous ones. It was an adventure I will always cherish.
On my first evening of the walk, we were invited to attend a sweat lodge
ceremony, which I had never done. I was definitely into it, as I had always
been in admiration of the strength of the Native American community. I was
afraid when we went into the lodge, though, as I wanted all to go well but
wasn't sure what I was getting myself into. To calm myself down I started
saying to myself, "no fear, global peace now." For those of you who have never
been to a sweat, it's considered to be a strong purifying ritual, and heated
stones are brought into the small domed space, rapidly raising the temperature,
to induce altered states of awareness. Very soon I began to be overwhelmed
by the heat, and started to pass out. At some point, I started having my
vision, though at the time it felt, and sounded, and looked "real," and had
all the urgency of a real material physical event.
The vision had, basically, four distinct sections. During the first section,
all of the people in the sweat lodge started accusing me of being a traitor,
a yuppie homo sent to ruin the walk, even a Karmic villain who must be destroyed
because this Walk had huge significance on a Universal level, and must succeed.
Mind you, I had just met these people for the first time earlier that day,
and so when these things came out of their mouths, I just didn't know what
to think. In "reality," the people in the lodge were not speaking to me at
all. Spirit was speaking to me, using their voices. I protested and defended
myself for the longest time, saying (aloud or to myself, I do not know), "no,
I am here to do good, I am not a villain sent here to destroy the Peace Walk,"
but every time I tried to defend myself, they seemed to grow all the more
convinced that I should be destroyed "for the good of all." The leader of
the sweat ceremony, in my vision, actually held a glowing red rock in his
hands with which he threatened to smash my head. This went on for quite a
while as you could imagine, with me trying to defend my motives and them growing
all the more convinced that I was just trying to save my ass. It seemed as
though there were a small light above my head that would be one color if
I were speaking with Universal intent for the good of all, and another color
which shone when I was just trying to save myself, and I could hear them
remark about what they saw in my true intentions: "See? He's just trying to
save himself. He should be destroyed now or this will all be ruined." They
were fearsome and I was quite convinced that no matter how strange this all
seemed, it really was happening!
`Eventually I came to think that since they seemed so convinced that I was
a villain, a traitor, out to enslave mankind again in the wheel of Karma and
illusion, maybe they were right, and I just didn't know it. Maybe, even though
I had always tried to be a good person, to help others, etc., maybe I was
this shitty villain from beyond time and I didn't even know it! Then I started
to think, well, if they are right, and if I have to die so that this all
will turn out best for the good of all, then maybe I should die. Mind you,
it took me a long, agonizing period of fear and resistance to arrive at this
conclusion, and I'm not telling you this because I have a Christ complex
or any other complex that I'm aware of (except maybe gas), but anyway, I
decided to go ahead and take the rock to the head and die right then and there
in the sweat lodge if that was what needed to happen. I thought I would die
right there.
When I made this decision, I found myself lying outside on the cool ground
with one man at each side, standing above me. This was the second part of
the vision. One of the men threatened to stab me in the side with a spear.
After a shorter period of resistance like back in the lodge, I decided again
to take the death, if that was best.
When I made that decision, I found myself being supported by one man at
each side as I walked forward into complete darkness towards what I perceived
to be the edge of a cliff. This was the third part of the vision. The more
I trusted them to guide me into the darkness, the more the ground was extended
before me, like a gang plank hanging off the side of a ship. We walked a while
this way until we came to the edge of the cliff, where I knew I was supposed
to jump into the void for the good of all. After a period of hesitation, I
jumped. As I jumped, I heard excited voices saying "he did it, he made the
right decision!" The voices were like little whispers all around me, happy,
ecstatic. I felt a period of bliss that lasted for I'm not sure how long,
and my eyesight returned. I was stumbling around literally drunk with the
spiritual ecstacy, and I felt a true sense of connection with the Universal.
I could see how all the little decisions I had made had lead me to this point
(the experience of life passing before my eyes) and learned that every day,
we receive signs and symbols, moments of synchronicity, that are to be viewed
as messages from the Universal. And I felt absolutely sure that there is love,
love, and more love to all, regardless of race, creed, sexual orientation,
all of that superficial bullshit we get so hung up about down here. The nature
of the universe, and the nature of human beings, is love. But we hide it and
run from it and forget about our true natures.
The reason this ties in to a recent event is that after a long period of
confronting personal demons related to low self-esteem, internalized homophobia,
and creative block, where I have had to assert and defend myself to family,
friends and self as never before (as in the first part of the vision), I have
recently been diagnosed HIV positive (being pierced with the spear in the
second part). Now I face an uncertain future where I have to reach out and
trust others as never before (walking into the darkness towards the cliff's
edge) and in full knowledge at last of my own mortality (preparing to jump
off the edge). It seems clear to me now that the vision experience was prophetic
of the recent period of my life, and now I feel that I am on some sort of
mission that will reveal itself to me as I stumble along. But don't cry for
me regarding the HIV diagnosis; right after I received the results a small
voice in my head said "it's a gift, you'll see." Later, the voice said, "love
the virus." So I'm not afraid, but wish to share these words with others,
and to help others heal themselves. We are all love and light, and perfectly
beautiful. Let go, let go, trust yourself, be happy. There's nothing whatsoever
to be afraid of. Love conquers all. Peace, Bloobird
Projects & Cool Stuff Upcoming
Tel-A-Fool: Sponsored by the Love's Supreme Desire collective, Tel-A-Fool
(415-333-9549) complements Tel-A-Faerie (415-626-3369), which lists Bay Area
radical faerie general information. Tel-a-Fool lists Bay Area radical faerie
and friends arts and creative/healing spirit events and is a free service
for both artists and audiences. If you want a radical faerie and friends presence
at your event, call Tel-A-Fool at least one week in advance. Outgoing events
message will be updated each Wednesday morning, as long as there is new information
to add. Interest has been lagging in this service, or perhaps we haven't
gotten the word out enough about it, but we think it is a good, cheap opportunity
for y'all out there to get together. We hope you will take advantage of this
service and call us any time you want to find out about faerie creative/healing
spirit events or list same.
Primordial Tricksters: Originally conceived of as a group for the artistic
and spiritually-inclined person looking for a completely free space for experimentation
in all of its manifestations, somewhere to unify spiritual, physical and creative
impulses into a powerful distillation through play and ritual, the Primordial
Tricksters is now focusing our energies on healing all within the group emotionally,
spiritually, and physically. We believe that all people have the power to
heal one another, and we will be discovering ways to do this through massage,
visualization, and whatever else we discover along the way. Anyone is welcome
to join or drop in for a session, particularly those with chronic physical
or emotional situations, especially those who believe that they are capable
of healing others as they heal themselves. There is only limited space, so
please call for information about our next monthly circle in Oakland. Clothing
optional, primarily gay male, free-of-charge. Bloobird @ 415-585-8273
MAYA: a band that includes Peter Horta and Garrin Benfield of the John Body
Players, plays all original cathartic dance music ranging from fast and funky,
dark and multi-layered, to disorienting and polyrhythmic, quiet and acoustic.
We like playing clubs, but we love playing parties. If you're interested in
setting up an event, or know of one that MAYA should be involved in, call
GARRIN at 415-931-9561. Please call this number to request a tape. GIGS: Sat.,
Dec. 14, Club Cocodrie at Kearny and Broadway at 9:15 pm
Resources
* Faerie discussion group: Send message "subscribe faerie"
to Majordomo@QueerNet.ORG
* Gay Spirit: Powerful queer male drumming circle, monthly.
Contact Roland @ (415) 334-6550
* Holy Faerie Database: CA and Wolf Creek gatherings and
events. PO Box 426732, SF CA 94142
* NOMENUS: PO Box 312 Wolf Creek, OR 97497 (503) 866-2678
* RFD, A Country Journal For Gay Men Everywhere: PO Box
68, Liberty TN 37095
* Tel-A-Faerie: Bay Area radical faerie events line. (415)
626-3369
Time is not money. Time is art.
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Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant
or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;
it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right. Love bears all things,
believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. -1 Corinthians
13